200 not out

Afternoon all. Worry not your good friend and spiritual guide is back to care and share with my little flock. Only kidding the only spiritual guidance you will get from this particular Eagle is what good offers on Gin they have got in the local supermarket.

What a difference a day makes as someone once sang. On Thursday we were all sat and perspiring quite freely as it was 30 degrees for the third day running. The nights were hot and sticky and tempers were getting frayed. Now we are back to normal and there is wild talk of putting a woolly on to keep warm. What happened I hear you cry? Well there was a massive thunder storm on Thursday night into Friday morning. Lots of thunder and lightning and it was made much worse by having to keep a close eye on Bob the Sheep who wanted to go out and see if he would attract any lighting to his little bell. Honestly that sheep hasn’t got the sense he was knitted with if you ask me. It was like a scene from a Gothic horror novel and I was quite glad to see that man for once who was woken up by all of the noise. He quickly restored order by the simple act of putting Bob in a drawer with Mr Jip and strict instructions that he was to do everything that Mr Jip told him. That worked a treat I can tell you and order was restored. Well all of this rain resulted in a landslide just outside Watford which derailed a train running into Euston from the Midlands. Now the more intelligent of you will be muttering to yourselves that this is even more irrelevant than normal and I have really lost the plot. Not at all and don’t be so cheeky in the future. Uncle Tache was on the train behind the one that derailed and he wasn’t too happy about it as he was stuck on the train for two hours. If you ask me he should have ripped off his red petticoat and run up the tracks waving it like mad but that is quite an unpopular view for some reason that I don’t understand. A bit of a dramatic start to a Friday morning if you ask me.

Later on Friday got quite funny as that man returned quite merry. What had happened I hear you cry? The solution was surprisingly easy. Uncle Tache had taken him out for a couple of glasses of Champagne at the Royal Exchange and we had to deal with he consequences of this in the form of a very p****d that man. We have cleaned up now but I had to deal with the indignity of having my feathers ruffled and being told that I love you really even though we fight all the time. It was like a scene from Bridget Jones’ Diary. Anyway I took the liberty of taking some pictures to stash away for future use/blackmail purposes so not an entirely wasted evening after all.

We have continued to watch the Paralympics and we have really enjoyed it. As with the Olympics we have won more medals than we did at our home games and there are still some possible ones left to compete for. I think we know what we will be watching this evening.

The more observant of you  will know that this is posting number 200 and I wanted to send out a big Cliffie wing wave to all of you to mark the occasion. Thank you for following our random ramblings and we hope that you will continue to enjoy hearing all about our little adventures. We also thought you might like to see this picture showing some of the crew out and about at a recent certain social occasion. Doesn’t Andrew look carefree and happy and Bob looks quite intellectual in this pose. All in all a remarkable picture. If you look carefully in the background you might just be able to make out the ghostly form of that man downing a swift snifter. How appropriate given recent events.

Happy 200th posting

Happy 200th posting

Ah well time to push on to the next 200. Now where did I put those pictures?

A funny incident

Good afternoon all. A bit of a bonus post for you all.

That man has been working from home today. He has been silently working his way through a massive mountain of paperwork and we have kept quiet with our heads firmly down. Well he finally completed part one of the task in hand and switched on his laptop to do part two. This was simple data entry and so he felt that he could have some music to cheer him up. He put on the Eurovision album from this year and gradually hit his mark as far as singing along was concerned. He was even dad dancing in his seat. Suddenly this very surprised face appeared by the open door to his balcony looking very shocked at the noise and movement. It was a window cleaner who had come along to do his windows. He did this and then moved on to his next job. We did laugh. Still it did save us from his caterwauling so hooray for that.

Meanwhile in other news Uncle Tache would like to make it clear that he did not recognise that man’s version of events of a recent train journey. His exact comment was we weren’t legless by Crewe. All I can say is that I was there and I am well known as the Eagle of truth. Just saying!

A tale of two trains

Good afternoon. Welcome back. This week I am going to get all political as I compare two train journeys so you have been warned.

Picture the scene that man and Uncle Tache are gathering together their belongings in the Eyrie before setting off for a weekend away with Big Nana in the north. At almost the same time that stupid plonker Mr Jeremy is preparing to go for a meeting in Newcastle travelling by train. Our heroes get to Euston and an uniformed railway official guides them to their seats on the train and offers them a little aperitif before departure. Meanwhile at King’s Cross Mr Jeremy is fighting his way through carriages full of empty seats but can’t find “two together” so that he can talk to his wife. After going through the whole train he sits in a vestibule and makes a video saying how awful it is that the train is full (even though it is half empty!). Eventually at Euston the train pulls out and the good life well and truly starts. At King’s Cross that nice Mr Branson nearly falls off his bike to try and show that nice Mr Jeremy is lying about the state of the trains. In both cases a public statement needed to be issued but only in one case did it deal with the problem of yobbish behaviour in First Class carriages on Virgin trains. Now I am hoping that you can work out which set of travellers this applied to.

Talk about living the high life. Our dynamic duo had a full set of First Class carriages to themselves and boy did they make the most of it. The first drink was in their hand even before the train had cleared the platform at Euston. They were “merry” by Watford (that conjunction of the concepts of merry and Watford is something you don’t see very often I can tell you!), pissed by Milton Keynes and legless by Crewe. That Celia Johnson would have been appalled to see such behaviour on the railways I can tell you. They had sobered up a little bit by Warrington and asked for another glass of red wine to remedy this situation. The steward just left them a nearly full bottle to finish off as he could see how the land lay. At the same time they were stuffing their faces with the evening meal offering. It was like the last days of Rome I can tell you. The train was about 30 minutes late and they just poured themselves off it and hailed a cab to take them home. What a trip and no video at the end of it.

We would like to offer our congratulations to our wonderful Olympians who did very well indeed at the recent games in Rio coming second in the medal table and winning more medals than in London. No country has done this before so well done to all of them. That man enjoyed the cycling and the horsies. We did discover though that little Bob the sheep doesn’t like horsies so that was all a bit awkward. We are not quite sure why Sheep and Horses don’t get on but they really don’t. His little bell was ringing all afternoon when the equestrian events were on. We are starting to think that he is a bit of a drama queen but that man is muttering something about taking one to know one and I am not sure what he is getting at. As a minimum I think it is fair to say that little Bob is very high maintenance indeed. Anyway well done one and all. As an aside Norway only won bronze medals but with only ten people in the country it is perhaps a bit tricky for them. Apparently they are waiting for winter Olympic glory in a couple of years time.

The weather has been very unpleasant recently and today it is very windy indeed. We are keeping Bob off the balcony for his own protection. We hope that you all enjoy your Bank Holiday.

Bob on a bucket

Good morning all. Your favourite Eagle is back once more.

Well summer seems to have arrived and with it the normal round of madness. That man is getting more irritable by the hour and is already talking of the nights drawing in and a cooler temperature. The little birds have gone off for their annual holiday but seem to be coming back now. Hellion the Bat is flitting around on a nightly basis and we quite often have a flap together. The big windows are constantly open and that means that I can come and go as I please. Indeed on a couple of occasions that man has said to me I thought I shut that window last night. I simply tell him that the heat is playing tricks with his memory and that he left it open. This has increased his paranoia about security but that is a small price to pay for me you know. I tell you there will be big trouble if he ever discovers this little forum but I don’t think his searching skills are up to finding us out. If nothing else I have changed the password on the computer so he will have to do an epic hack to actually get online any time soon. You can’t fox the Eagle you know.

Anyway on to the point of this post. As it is summer I thought I would share this little picture of Bob the Sheep climbing the heights.

Bob on a bucket

Bob on a bucket

I would also like to point out that this is my space and this week all the sympathy has been directed to little Bob. Spare a thought for the poor little Eagle who has to put up with his constant bell ringing! Some days I feel like Quasimodo I tell you.

A big Cliffie wing wave to Aunty Tracy who has joined our little band of misfits ready to take over the world one day soon.

I am off to enjoy the summer sunshine. I hope that you can do the same. I suppose it must even have stopped snowing in Norway by now so happy days ahead for one and all.

Bobageddon

Good afternoon all. Welcome back. Just back from a little trip to Philadelphia where I had a fine old time at a certain large political event. I have to say when you see that nice Michelle Obama give a speech you see what a complete waste of space that silly Mr Trump is. What a shame that she couldn’t run for the presidency as I would have voted for her.

Now for the last few weeks we have been running on the pure oxygen of world events turning and working themselves out. I’m afraid that this week we are back to our normal domestic niff naff and trivia but it is a dramatic story that we have to tell. Sit down and loosen your belt a little and listen as I tell you a tale of high drama and low deception.

As you know Bob the Sheep is one of our newer team members and he is only little. He enjoys exploring the balcony and in the spring we published some pictures of him doing just that. The other day Uncle Tache came to see us and Bob went over as normal to say hello and ring his little bell in greeting. It is a charming sight and Bob is very gracious to all our visitors in this way. All seemed peaceful and harmony reigned for at least 10 minutes whilst that man was in the kitchen. All too soon it was bed time and then the morning broke bright but a bit damp. Uncle Tache went out on the balcony and said that it was raining. That man asked him if he would take Bob out for his normal constitutional graze and general sniff of the air. For his own safety we have had to insist that Bob puts a little bell round his neck to alert us if he is in any kind of danger from birds of prey. We have a very friendly Peregrine Falcon who lives close by and he quite often pops in for a chat and he is partial to a nice leg of lamb. Anyway little Bob went off and we all relaxed as he was under the direct supervision of Uncle Tache who carefully placed him on some Ivy so that he could have a graze. It was nice to think of him properly supervised for once. Suddenly we heard the furious ringing of a little bell and we saw a blur of white and red as Bob started rolling down the Ivy towards the edge of the balcony. That man cried out to Uncle Tache “look to your sheep” as he hadn’t noticed that Bob had lost his footing. By this time Bob was hanging on the edge of the balcony with only his little hooves saving him from plummeting to oblivion and was in grave danger of toppling over. Uncle Tache simply picked him up and brushed him off and said no more. As I am sure you can imagine that man had a thing or two to say though and Bob is now suffering from flashbacks. We are not entirely sure if the flashbacks are a result of his adventure or the telling off that he got from that man who was quite eloquent about the whole hideous saga. As Bob said to me only the other day you simply don’t expect these traumatic events to happen to you. Needless to say his trips to the balcony have been severely curtailed and he is under constant supervision 24/7. Now we don’t want to point the ugly wing of recrimination at any individuals involved in this grubby little saga but we all know who we blame. For legal reasons we can’t say any more though as we are currently considering a personal injury claim for trauma and suffering of a knitted sheep. The claim is mainly based on the fact that he never shuts up about the events of that fateful day and we want to earn enough to place a gagging order on him. Time will tell if we achieve our goal. In the meantime Bob is in fine form and is ringing his little bell on the balcony once more.

As you can see I have delivered on my promise to give you domestic niff naff and trivia so as you can see I am more trustworthy than that Mr Trump and his close friend Mr Putin. Strange days indeed. I am off to Byron for a late lunch. They are my kind of company I can tell you!

Trumpton

Morning all.  Worry not your little friend Cliffie is back.  Thank you to Andrew for holding the fort.

First things first.  I would like to try and put some rumours to rest about my whereabouts during the course of this last week.  I was not in a minimum security care home for the outraged and bewildered.  Nor was I living up the high life at the Cut and Come Again Club as Andrew seemed to be implying.  The very idea.  You all know me for a sensible level headed type of chap who tries to avoid the limelight as much as possible (a bit like Nigel Farrage!).  I certainly wouldn’t go off on a bender and not tell you about it all.  I would invite you all to join me and share the fun.   As observant readers will know Uncle Tache likes to kick back and relax on various overseas adventures.  This means that he has a lot of frequent flyer miles that any observant Eagle can tap into when required.  I flew out to Ohio to go and join that nice Mr Trump at his little shindig this week.  I did have a nice time.  There were a lot of Eagles on posters and banners and his toupee will make a nice nest for one of my relatives if they are thinking of setting up home any time soon.  I thought I had a good go at writing that speech for Mrs Trump (apparently no longer the lovely Ivana).  It is not my fault that someone had already written it a few years ago.  That was just bad luck.  I was also able to advise nice Mr Cruz on how to not accept the nomination.  I think he did very well one way or another.  All in all it was a hoot and a half.

Whilst we are on a political note I must say it was also nice to see BoJo taken to task by the US press.  I did enjoy that particular press conference.

On a more domestic note it has been very hot and sticky in the Eyrie this week as summer has arrived.  That man has been very irritable and even I  have been feeling a bit listless all week.  Still hopefully things will freshen up soon and normal service will be resumed shortly.

It will soon be time for the silly season.  The only problem now is to know what counts and what doesn’t this year.

 

 

BoJo

Good morning.  Andrew the Gorilla here ready to step in as holiday cover for young Cliff.

As you have no doubt picked up by now Cliff can be a bit excitable and there has been a lot to get excited about going on at the moment.  Every time we turn on the radio or watch the telly something new seems to have happened.  We are getting quite tired of various news people overusing the word “historic” but they are running out of ways to react I suppose. Little loves as that man might say in one of his rare indulgent moments.   We thought that Cliff was doing all right and coping quite well.  He kept on fussing away in his corner but that is quite normal in this little part of the world.  One event though tipped him over the edge and he has gone off for a little “holiday” to recover his sense of proportion.  Luckily that man got him a cheap rate at a local facility for tired and emotional Eagles and we have had good reports of his recovery.  Indeed what we know and that man doesn’t is that he is having the time of his life.  He has paid medical professionals on hand to actually listen to him and take him seriously and a non stop supply of alcohol which is listed on the bill as “extras”.  Now you wouldn’t want to deny a young Eagle about town his “extras” would you?  In reality he has actually gone a monumental bender at the “Cut and Come Again Club” and that man thinks he is paying for intensive therapy.  My keen intellect tells me that there could be trouble ahead but we won’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles us now will we?  Excuse me I must just take a phone call.  Sorry about that.   Apparently Cliff takes quite a close interest in this blog and he was shouting something down the phone about singing like a Canary.  I really don’t know what he is talking about.   He was really quite rude about my abilities to keep a secret but I am a Gorilla of integrity and honesty so I can’t do anything else but tell the truth now can I?

Anyway I seem to have digressed a little bit.  I can hear a whole nation crying out what pushed Cliffie over the edge?  Well it wasn’t that Sturgeon woman wanting her cake and eating it or a Lynx escaping from a zoo and coming to visit us here.  No it was the appointment of Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary.   That man wasn’t around when it was announced and we all naturally assumed that it was a monumental joke put out to generally cheer up the country.  When it turned out to be true it did push Cliff over the edge.  As he said if they are appointing a blonde buffoon to the role then they should have chosen him.  He doesn’t like foreigners and is equally gaffe prone.  I mean to say they could have appointed the Duke of Edinburgh and he would have been a more diplomatic choice.  BoJo went to the French embassy and he was booed and no one is quite sure if it was the French or his own side booing him.  Classic.  Strange times indeed.

It is hot and humid here in London so perfect weather for we Gorillas.  I am off to enjoy it but I suspect that man is going to suffer for the next few days.  Until next time mon amis.