The Maltese Falcon

Afternoon all. I thought that you might like to hear this tale of adventure and risk taking on the plucky little island of Malta.

That man and Uncle Tache have started the winter travelling season and so it was off to the plucky little island of Malta for a bit of winter sunshine. The adventure started well as that man had a stinking cold but he seemed to revive in the Club lounge at Gatwick airport where the supply of edibles and Champagne seemed to be almost limitless. He did have a good time and managed to crawl to the departure gate just as boarding started. Off we went and strapped ourselves in and had the most wonderful flight. The service was great and the Champagne just kept on coming. After that it was off to the Intercontinental for a few days of bliss and sunshine. Anyway that was the idea. That man played a cruel trick on me and told me about the Maltese Falcon who might be discovered in the lobby of the hotel at certain specific times of the day. As you know I love my birdie friends and if they are jewel encrusted so much the better! He told me that the best time to see if was at around 09:00 or at 15:00 or finally at about dusk. I was to look carefully and not to leave the lobby during these times. Well it turns out the whole thing was a rotten con. At these times the dynamic duo would be up on their own private terrace having the time of their lives. Breakfast was served at 09:00 and that man made the most of free bacon and rolls. That I could live with. Mid afternoon saw them consuming massive quantities of Afternoon Tea with an endless array of pastries and little confections that were just Eagle sized. The real insult came in the evening when the hotel put on a drinks reception for their VIP guests. Somehow that man managed to blag a ticket. Now give him his due he can be a lazy so and so but once he sets a target he tends to hit it. His target was to have a half bottle of Moet and Chandon each day and he managed this easily. If it is free that man could drink for his country you know. All this time I am going up to stray Sparrows and asking them about the Falcon and they think I have gone mad. Still I did get my revenge as I managed to gate crash the after party each evening which was far more fun. I told the staff about the reality of life with that man and they were very interested.

Rather surprisingly they did mange to leave the hotel and went on an open top bus your of the island which was very enjoyable. That man thought that it was just like Jersey but with a more Arabic influence if you can imagine that. They also managed to take the bus to Valetta which was a nice city and very interesting. Uncle Tache even bought himself a hat. He was feeling the heat and so sensibly decided that he needed some suitable headgear. That man suggested a shop called “Born to Shop” which had a lovely Unicorn rubber ring as a suitable place. Uncle Tache disagreed and decided to go into the local Hugo Boss shop where he spent 50 Euro on a baseball cap. Even I was shocked at this and I like spending money. That man had to be given mouth to mouth resuscitation to bring him round.

Next month it is off to Berlin for a long weekend. What larks eh!


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