Author Archives: kirdishley

Introducing Conrad

Morning all and welcome back.

I have big news to share with you. Now I realise that in this day and age news has to be very big in order to make it into this category. However, I think that you will agree that this meets this criteria when you find out what has been going on. What on earth is going on I hear you cry. I have a birdie rival right here in the Eyrie. There I have said it-that is better. What has happened is that I have been usurped by another birdie who has the cute factor in bucket loads. As you know I don’t do cute. Grumpy, petty and miserable are some of the words used to describe me-certainly not cute. Over the last couple of weeks though I kept on hearing about little Conrad. I should have been suspicious but it is often the Eagle that is the last to know. Anyway one day I heard this cheeping and saw my rival revealed in all his glory. Naturally I went out to say hello as I am nothing but polite and we have struck up a friendship based on the premise that you can’t go wrong if you are annoying that man. This works very well for both of us so that is good. In case you hadn’t heard little Conrad is a young Coot around town. He was born about four weeks ago and that man has been watching him grow up. He has gone from being a little bit of fluff to a rather fine little fellow in that space of time. He lives with his mummy and daddy on the lake and spends his time cheeping very loudly. Each morning that man now goes and stands by the lake and the whole family come up and say hello for a few moments. It makes him happy so I really shouldn’t argue I suppose. Still it is potential competition and for that reason I need to be careful that I don’t get entirely usurped. Having said that though-he is very cute indeed!

Conrad out with his parents

Conrad out with his parents

In other news the move to the West Country seems to be progressing. That man is left reeling by the daily demands on his purse and our trust fund but Uncle Tache is the voice of reason on that front and simply tells him that all will be well and not to worry. What a nice man he is. Speaking of this there are mutterings about part time working come the autumn. I am a bit suspicious of this and will be doing my best to encourage him out of the house at the earliest possible occasion on his “non working” days. We have things to do during the day and having that man hanging round will simply get in our way. That is all I am saying on the subject-for now.

Anyway it is a nice day out there so I am off to see if little Conrad can come out and play.

Sheep and Horsies-a mystery solved

Good afternoon all. Yes it is Cliff back from his short sojourn on Jersey where I “own” half a field of Jersey Royals as a vehicle for all of my investments that are vaguely legal. The other ones reside in Panama but don’t tell anyone that. Whilst I remember I should also say pinch and a punch to you all and wish you a happy June.

I hope that you enjoyed young Percy and his account of events over the past week or so. He is a nice young Duck about town that Percy so it was a pleasure to give him the chance to have his say. One interesting fact that he didn’t mention was what happened on Exmoor. As you know our Uncle Tache likes to drive in an “assertive” manner and we all enjoy our trips out in his little black rocket of a car. Well that man and he had been for a lovely walk to a rocky cove and then had a good lunch. They settled in for the drive back and were moving up a road with a very steep incline (25%) when they encountered a Peacock that if they had stopped would have required the mother of all hill starts. Needless to say the Peacock got out the way very quickly and harmony was restored. Off they went to Lynmouth for a cream tea and the sea mist finally cleared. Whilst they were sat in the tea room a Robin came up to their table and they were able to feed him on the table itself. I reckon this Robin was on to a good thing as he must have seen that neither of the dynamic duo could have given it any trouble after the mountain of chips and cake that they had consumed during the day! Then it was off to go home across the wild moors of Exmoor. If you want to define living life close to the edge try going over a cattle grid at 60 mph. Once over the cattle grid it was the wide open spaces of the moor. As they went over what should they encounter but a herd of wild ponies and sheep apparently living in harmony. Now we were quite surprised to hear this as Bob the Sheep had told us in very definite terms that Sheep and Horsies do not get on-full stop. Well we now know that this is not quite true as they live together on Exmoor. He is muttering something about things being different in the South West but I think that he will have to be careful as this is where we are moving to before too long. Anyway they get through this herd and round the next corner a mummy sheep is feeding her little lamb in the middle of the road. There was a tense stand off of sheep versus machine and the car eventually was allowed to proceed. What larks eh?

Now it is my heavy duty to issue instructions for voting for next week. As you know Brexit and this election have been going on for an eternity and we are getting a bit tired of it all. The fact that we now watch “Waiting for God” instead of the news tells you everything that you need to know. We wouldn’t do anything as crude as saying who you should vote for so all we will do is to encourage you to vote for soemone rather than allowing your vote to go to waste. I mean to say those Chartists and Suffragettes fought and died so that we could go along and vote for that waste of space Corbyn or that harpy May. Vote early and vote often is my message to you. Whatever the result it will be business as usual on Friday week. Until then I off to wash some money as it gets quite dirty planted in a potato field. I am not sure why that man is going on about money laundering-what a wally is all I will say.

On the road

Good morning. Please let me introduce myself as Cliff is off shore at the moment fussing about his investments. My name is Percy and I am a Duck. Of course I am more upmarket than my initially plebeian name suggests and it is actually pronounced Pursey. I normally live on the front seat of the Tachemobile and so I am used to hurtling round the lesser known corners of Buckinghamshire at breakneck speed whilst Uncle Tache goes from A to B. Think the Monaco Grand Prix without the yachts and you have more or less got the picture. I love speed so it is a perfect match. Anyway I was allowed to go on holiday this year so I get to talk to all of you.

Well the holiday started well as our dynamic duo were due to meet in Poole and that man had an early start. He stalked through the old town of Poole and dragged along some companions to join him. Meanwhile Uncle Tache got the chara ready and we all met up by the seaside. This shot shows some of my travelling companions waiting for me by the sea.

Some old friends by the seaside

Some old friends by the seaside

As you can see Bob the Sheep was in a holiday mood and was really entering into the spirit of the occasion. He put a hanky on his head a bit later on and went for a paddle. Anyway after a lovely dinner and a good breakfast we all set off for the delights of Devon. Our first stop was in the lovely town of Axminster where we all had a bit of an explore and a light lunch at the Sublyme cafe. Then it was Westward Ho! to Great Torrington in the heart of Devon. Our house was a lovely one built in 1701 and very classy. We soon settled in and this is our party gathered for pre dinner snifters.

Chilling in Torrington

Chilling in Torrington

The Dog is my friend Branston. He is a rescue dog who was found in an undisclosed location in the City of London recently. He has a lovely nature and we get along very well you know. After we had settled in it was off to the chippy for a big bag of chips and a few scraps for us.

The best day out was across the wilderness of Exmoor. The weather was perfect and the chara took us all on an outing to what seemed like the top of the world. We all had a lovely drive through the little back roads as they criss-crossed the high peaks which were covered in a low flying clouds. We then arrived at this lovely stream and walked down to a rocky cove by the sea where the sun came out. Quite perfect. I wasn’t allowed in to Dartington crystal but we understand that some purchases were made which was naughty of both of them. Anyway the holiday was soon over and everyone was packed ready for the journey home. This is Branston and I left to the end having a last look round.

The end of the holiday

The end of the holiday

The good news is that they are going back next year. That man booked it this morning so hooray!

Meanwhile in other news the new house in Poole comes a step nearer. Whilst he was there that man took a senior member of the team (Colin the Camel) to see the house and he expressed himself delighted with what he saw. That was a major hurdle as if Colin had given it the hooves down then the move wouldn’t have happened. It is hoped that things might come to a head by the end of next month.

I have enjoyed sharing my holiday memories with you all. I hope that you have enjoyed reading them. Worry not though Cliff will be back soon.

It is that word again

Good morning to you all on a slightly damp and grey morning here in the Eyrie.

As you know I try and keep up with the rapidly moving events here in the Eyrie. Sometimes months go by with no real news and I am hard pressed to come up with something that people want to read. Then all of a sudden that man and Uncle Tache turn round and surprise us. You may recall that there was a particularly bad example of this a few months ago when suddenly the moving trucks arrived and before we knew what was happening we were packed up and moved to a new place without a by or leave. Well this week has seen another instance of this. It all started on Wednesday when that man turned up unexpectedly at lunchtime whilst we were having a bit of a post lunch nap. He breezed in and picked up a rather nice bottle of Champagne that we had assumed was for us and then departed. Later on he returned and was looking quite tense and proceeded to spend “quality time” with us which I think it is fair to say none of us really enjoyed. The next day that word exchange stared to appear in conversations again and we got a bit suspicious as last time that word was used we were evicted from our comfy home. Still nothing too bad seemed to happen and Friday dawned bright and breezy. That man went off to work and he looked very worried about something. Talk about a changed man when he came back. He picked me up and gave me a hug and told us all that we were moving again. This time we are moving to a rather gorgeous Georgian townhouse built in about 1760 in the heart of the old town in Poole. The house has 6 toilets, 5 bathrooms and 2 kitchens so plenty of space for everyone. The best bit though is that there is a proper Eyrie right at the top of the house and that man has promised me that we can share it. It even has a view of the harbour and the Sunseeker boat yard so I can keep an eye on how my luxury yacht is coming on. We are also very close to the ferry terminal where I can take a ferry to Jersey or Guernsey to keep an eye on my investments at a moments notice. For once I can say that the dynamic duo done good!

Well it is Eurovision day at last. We hope that you enjoy the whole experience and don’t forget your voting instructions. We are looking forward to the whole experience despite the fact that my favourite song has already been eliminated. Yes we have no Blackbirds to vote for so vote Italy as there is a dancing Gorilla involved. I don’t doubt that the best song will win so I am off to prepare. Enjoy!

Hogwarts hell

Afternoon all. Welcome back.

It has been a bit of a trying week this week. I do realise that it is rare for us to have any other type but you know that life is tough here in the Eyrie. Last weekend we went up to Buckingham to spend time at our country estate. We decided that Chamberlin the little black Bear could come along and he was having a lovely time until he saw a rather splendid Owl shaped cushion in the corner. He instantly assumed that it was an Owl from Hogwarts come to deliver his letter telling him that he was really a little wizard. Sadly not and he has been in a mood all week as a result. Due to the cramped conditions (hell hole would be more accurate but we mustn’t bite the hand that feeds us apparently!) that we exist in this means that we all have to sit and listen to him complaining about it and speculating as to what type of wand he would be buying with our pocket money. It is all a bit much you know.

Well it is that time of year once more and Eurovision is nearly upon us. Yes the big day is only a week away and we have had to consider our voting options once more. I know how certain members of my fan base rely on my insight in this respect so let’s go as Bucks Fizz so memorably said a long time ago. First and foremost I am disappointed that so many songs are in English. Come on people let’s have a bit more variety in linguistic terms for goodness sake. For this reason we like the French entry as it is in French-well most of it at least. We also like the UK entry as it has a certain quality about it that appeals. Other favourites come from Australia (I know don’t ask why they are in it!), Switzerland (well we have been there you know), Israel, Estonia (I challenge you to find this country on a map!) and Greece. However we have a split vote and so have to issue some detailed guidance to our fan base so pay attention. I know that some of you have very short attention spans so I have put your instructions first. Talk about lowest common denominator but that is what you get when you have stalkers following your efforts.

If you are not based in the UK then you know where your duty lies and you must vote UK. I am saying now that I will not accept any excuses. If I don’t see 12 pints (sorry I meant points of course but this might not be too far from the truth given the tendency of the Irish to enjoy a drink or three) from the Irish jury I will know that my instructions have been ignored and you will need to explain yourself to me. Think on is all I can say and you know exactly who I am referring to!

For the rest of us based in the heart of European civilisation then I have different instructions as we can’t vote for our own song. I have a genuine problem as I want to give my maximum votes to two very different songs. The first is a wonderful effort from Italy. It is happy, meaningless, cool and a totally happy wall of Italian sound. It is also sung in Italian which earns it big marks anyway. We just love it and it makes us smile every time we hear it and that man and I happily dad dance along to it. The video also features a dancing monkey so it gets our vote purely on that basis. Normally it would be game over and we would be heading south to experience a little bit of la dolce vita next year. However, there is a complication in the shape of a Finnish bird. Rather unusually we also love the Finnish entry which is all about Blackbirds. Now we don’t normally like the slow ones but it is rather splendid and we have a feeling that it could do quite well if it gets out of its semi final. We really like it and it has a certain haunting quality and it is about Blackbirds. We are very torn. We have to make a choice though and we give our 10 points to Finland and 12 points to Italy. Enjoy it all regardless of the outcome. Uncle Tache, that man and I will be tuning in from Buckingham next week. How exciting it all is!

Wing waves all round

Morning all. That man has logged on early so that I can talk to you so just be grateful for small mercies is what I say.

Anyway on to the serious business of the day and our Cliffie wing waves to some of our followers. The first goes to Aunty Helen who had a birthday during the week. We won’t reveal her age but we hope that you had a good day in the lovely West Country. The second goes to Uncle Roger who is recovering after surgery. We hope that you get well soon. The third goes to Aunty Tracy who is heading off for a holiday. We wish you bon voyage. If you feel that I have missed you out then please do just imagine that you are getting a wing wave from me. In government circles this is called outsourcing so must be a good thing.

I refuse to engage with the election or Brexit at this point as I am bored with them already. I know that this is not the intelligent thing to do but that man will be voting for our choice of party so why bother him with the fine print. To give you a clue we won’t be voting for that dreadful harpy Mrs May or that stupid dingbat Corbyn. That leaves the field wide open I can tell you. Anyway onwards.

Not much else to say this week. The new bells for some of my colleagues are going down well so it is all quite melodious when we do our dancing along to the radio now. That man keeps on muttering about Quasimodo but we are enjoying ourselves so where is the harm in that I would like to know.

Time to go I think as that man is looking vaguely threatening at all this talk of bells and elections. Enjoy the Bank Holiday-we intend to. The good Champagne is already chilling and we have hired a waiter who will be coming along as soon as that man has left the building. Bottoms up!

Happy Birthday to us

Morning all

Just a quick post to wish our little gang a Happy Birthday. All of us London Lads and Buckingham Boys share the same birthday-St George’s Day. It is a matter of administrative convenience to a certain extent but we like having the one day when we can all celebrate together. Anyway it will soon be time for a snifter and then it is party, party, party. Incidentally it won’t surprise you too much to know that we are all on the side of the Dragon. I tell you if it turned up in Big Nana’s garden she would be calling it a little love and feeding it steak and chips in the blink of an eye.

Anyway we hope that you enjoy this special day as much as we plan to. Is it too early for a G&T I wonder. I am sure that it must be time for one somewhere in the world so that is all right then. Cheers!