Afternoon all and welcome back to Team Clifford.
Some of you have been kind enough to ask after my whole Scottish experience. It started out very well indeed-too well as it turned out. That man started packing operations and he packed quite a big bag full of stuff. I thought he was making a bit of a fuss as how many little tweed outfits can one Eagle wear-particularly when I would be spending the time amongst the lower orders north of the border. I think that deep fried Mars bar is quite tricky to get out of Harris Tweed so I didn’t want to waste the good stuff. I should perhaps have been a little bit suspicious when a lot of the other members of the team were also stuffed in the bag but I thought that we had a deal. The deal was that I would accompany that man to Euston station. We would get the Glasgow train and he would get off at Milton Keynes and I would continue on to my ultimate destination in the very far north. Well disenchantment set in very early on in the journey as we got on a London Midland train that was only going as far as Birmingham. We then got in the Standard (aka Cattle) Class carriage and the bag was flung up on a luggage rack. The next thing I know we were all getting off at Milton Keynes. When I tried to register a formal protest about it all I was told that we were all going to Buckingham and the whole Scottish trip was off. Austerity was the official excuse but that man has a mean streak in him that is very unattractive when you are on the receiving end of it I can tell you. I tried to point out that it was the royalties from this blog that put food on the table but he would not listen to me. We then sprinted across the very bleak forecourt of Milton Keynes station in the pouring rain and got on the bus to Buckingham. Luckily sanity then prevailed and when we arrived at Uncle Tache’s residence we were warmly welcomed by the Buckingham Boys and settled down with a warm mince pie and a glass of Brandy (as it was good for shock!).
Christmas day dawned bright and early and it was lovely to see the look on that man’s face as he saw the little mountain of presents waiting for him. As Uncle Tache was doing the buying they were well thought through and very welcome. I would like to say that he enjoyed opening my present to him but it seemed to have mysteriously disappeared. This was perhaps for the best as I am not sure how he would have reacted to half a pre nibbled Mars bar. As the more intelligent of you will have already worked out this was originally bought for deep frying purposes but as the Scottish trip was off I thought that I could at least pass it off as a thoughtful gift for that man. I did get a bit bored waiting for him to rip the paper off stuff so I ate it for myself. The official version of events is that Santa must have eaten it the previous evening. Those Reindeer get quite peckish you know.
A lot of good food and wine was consumed and some good company also visited. A personal highlight occurred when that man tried to set up his new laptop. It was all very stressful and at one point he was trying to install some software. He had a Gorilla tucked under one arm and was stress eating Uncle Tache’s secret stash of KitKat crunchies with the other. You couldn’t make up these golden moments one way or another could you?
All in all a very good time was had by all and there was quiet mutterings of best Christmas ever by some of the party. We hope that you all enjoyed your Christmas too.
Anyway on to other more important stuff. It is time to reveal the winners of my poll for man of the year 2015. Drum roll please…
In third place is none other than that nice Mr Cameron. His response to the floods alone puts him in the top three. He actually purchased a pair of cheap Wellies specifically to go up north so that he didn’t look too posh. Well really is all I can say. If he had come across big Nana in his travels I suspect that he wouldn’t make it out quite the same man as he went into the encounter. It would be like Gordon Brown on the campaign trail all over again.
The runner up is nice Mr Putin. I know that you will be surprised at his relegation. He has shown himself to be a calm rational leader with only international peace and brotherhood on his mind. It does remind me of a certain German leader from the 1930s with the initials AH. Nothing to worry about as that all ended well didn’t it?
The winner of this prestigious award though is nice Mr Blatter. He wins it on the basis that he acted like a silly old fool for much of the year and refused to take on any form of responsibility for corporate failings. Everyone else was to blame. Of course, the interesting aspect of all of this is who will be elected in February to replace him. My vote goes to nice Mr Beckham. Who better to be the leader of world football.
Well this is the last post for 2015 and also the last one on the old laptop. A new year beckons and a certain happy occasion to look forward. Worry not I have secured the international rights to the whole event so look out for updates as the year progresses. The only thing left to say is Happy New Year!