It is that word again

Good morning to you all on a slightly damp and grey morning here in the Eyrie.

As you know I try and keep up with the rapidly moving events here in the Eyrie. Sometimes months go by with no real news and I am hard pressed to come up with something that people want to read. Then all of a sudden that man and Uncle Tache turn round and surprise us. You may recall that there was a particularly bad example of this a few months ago when suddenly the moving trucks arrived and before we knew what was happening we were packed up and moved to a new place without a by or leave. Well this week has seen another instance of this. It all started on Wednesday when that man turned up unexpectedly at lunchtime whilst we were having a bit of a post lunch nap. He breezed in and picked up a rather nice bottle of Champagne that we had assumed was for us and then departed. Later on he returned and was looking quite tense and proceeded to spend “quality time” with us which I think it is fair to say none of us really enjoyed. The next day that word exchange stared to appear in conversations again and we got a bit suspicious as last time that word was used we were evicted from our comfy home. Still nothing too bad seemed to happen and Friday dawned bright and breezy. That man went off to work and he looked very worried about something. Talk about a changed man when he came back. He picked me up and gave me a hug and told us all that we were moving again. This time we are moving to a rather gorgeous Georgian townhouse built in about 1760 in the heart of the old town in Poole. The house has 6 toilets, 5 bathrooms and 2 kitchens so plenty of space for everyone. The best bit though is that there is a proper Eyrie right at the top of the house and that man has promised me that we can share it. It even has a view of the harbour and the Sunseeker boat yard so I can keep an eye on how my luxury yacht is coming on. We are also very close to the ferry terminal where I can take a ferry to Jersey or Guernsey to keep an eye on my investments at a moments notice. For once I can say that the dynamic duo done good!

Well it is Eurovision day at last. We hope that you enjoy the whole experience and don’t forget your voting instructions. We are looking forward to the whole experience despite the fact that my favourite song has already been eliminated. Yes we have no Blackbirds to vote for so vote Italy as there is a dancing Gorilla involved. I don’t doubt that the best song will win so I am off to prepare. Enjoy!

Hogwarts hell

Afternoon all. Welcome back.

It has been a bit of a trying week this week. I do realise that it is rare for us to have any other type but you know that life is tough here in the Eyrie. Last weekend we went up to Buckingham to spend time at our country estate. We decided that Chamberlin the little black Bear could come along and he was having a lovely time until he saw a rather splendid Owl shaped cushion in the corner. He instantly assumed that it was an Owl from Hogwarts come to deliver his letter telling him that he was really a little wizard. Sadly not and he has been in a mood all week as a result. Due to the cramped conditions (hell hole would be more accurate but we mustn’t bite the hand that feeds us apparently!) that we exist in this means that we all have to sit and listen to him complaining about it and speculating as to what type of wand he would be buying with our pocket money. It is all a bit much you know.

Well it is that time of year once more and Eurovision is nearly upon us. Yes the big day is only a week away and we have had to consider our voting options once more. I know how certain members of my fan base rely on my insight in this respect so let’s go as Bucks Fizz so memorably said a long time ago. First and foremost I am disappointed that so many songs are in English. Come on people let’s have a bit more variety in linguistic terms for goodness sake. For this reason we like the French entry as it is in French-well most of it at least. We also like the UK entry as it has a certain quality about it that appeals. Other favourites come from Australia (I know don’t ask why they are in it!), Switzerland (well we have been there you know), Israel, Estonia (I challenge you to find this country on a map!) and Greece. However we have a split vote and so have to issue some detailed guidance to our fan base so pay attention. I know that some of you have very short attention spans so I have put your instructions first. Talk about lowest common denominator but that is what you get when you have stalkers following your efforts.

If you are not based in the UK then you know where your duty lies and you must vote UK. I am saying now that I will not accept any excuses. If I don’t see 12 pints (sorry I meant points of course but this might not be too far from the truth given the tendency of the Irish to enjoy a drink or three) from the Irish jury I will know that my instructions have been ignored and you will need to explain yourself to me. Think on is all I can say and you know exactly who I am referring to!

For the rest of us based in the heart of European civilisation then I have different instructions as we can’t vote for our own song. I have a genuine problem as I want to give my maximum votes to two very different songs. The first is a wonderful effort from Italy. It is happy, meaningless, cool and a totally happy wall of Italian sound. It is also sung in Italian which earns it big marks anyway. We just love it and it makes us smile every time we hear it and that man and I happily dad dance along to it. The video also features a dancing monkey so it gets our vote purely on that basis. Normally it would be game over and we would be heading south to experience a little bit of la dolce vita next year. However, there is a complication in the shape of a Finnish bird. Rather unusually we also love the Finnish entry which is all about Blackbirds. Now we don’t normally like the slow ones but it is rather splendid and we have a feeling that it could do quite well if it gets out of its semi final. We really like it and it has a certain haunting quality and it is about Blackbirds. We are very torn. We have to make a choice though and we give our 10 points to Finland and 12 points to Italy. Enjoy it all regardless of the outcome. Uncle Tache, that man and I will be tuning in from Buckingham next week. How exciting it all is!

Wing waves all round

Morning all. That man has logged on early so that I can talk to you so just be grateful for small mercies is what I say.

Anyway on to the serious business of the day and our Cliffie wing waves to some of our followers. The first goes to Aunty Helen who had a birthday during the week. We won’t reveal her age but we hope that you had a good day in the lovely West Country. The second goes to Uncle Roger who is recovering after surgery. We hope that you get well soon. The third goes to Aunty Tracy who is heading off for a holiday. We wish you bon voyage. If you feel that I have missed you out then please do just imagine that you are getting a wing wave from me. In government circles this is called outsourcing so must be a good thing.

I refuse to engage with the election or Brexit at this point as I am bored with them already. I know that this is not the intelligent thing to do but that man will be voting for our choice of party so why bother him with the fine print. To give you a clue we won’t be voting for that dreadful harpy Mrs May or that stupid dingbat Corbyn. That leaves the field wide open I can tell you. Anyway onwards.

Not much else to say this week. The new bells for some of my colleagues are going down well so it is all quite melodious when we do our dancing along to the radio now. That man keeps on muttering about Quasimodo but we are enjoying ourselves so where is the harm in that I would like to know.

Time to go I think as that man is looking vaguely threatening at all this talk of bells and elections. Enjoy the Bank Holiday-we intend to. The good Champagne is already chilling and we have hired a waiter who will be coming along as soon as that man has left the building. Bottoms up!

Happy Birthday to us

Morning all

Just a quick post to wish our little gang a Happy Birthday. All of us London Lads and Buckingham Boys share the same birthday-St George’s Day. It is a matter of administrative convenience to a certain extent but we like having the one day when we can all celebrate together. Anyway it will soon be time for a snifter and then it is party, party, party. Incidentally it won’t surprise you too much to know that we are all on the side of the Dragon. I tell you if it turned up in Big Nana’s garden she would be calling it a little love and feeding it steak and chips in the blink of an eye.

Anyway we hope that you enjoy this special day as much as we plan to. Is it too early for a G&T I wonder. I am sure that it must be time for one somewhere in the world so that is all right then. Cheers!

Summer is nearly here

Afternoon all. I warn you here and now that man has had a drink and it is all loud music and verbal abuse here in the Eyrie. I am a well brought up young Eagle and I really shouldn’t have to put up with this level of abuse you know. Still as you know I can rise above most things so I will do my best here.

Well it has been quite a week you know what with one thing or another. I suppose that it was inevitable that they would call an election just when we were looking forward to our summer holidays. As we were sat here thinking of paddling in the clear upland streams of Dartmouth and talking to some friendly Ponies that Theresa May destroys our hopes of peaceful tranquillity. Now it will all be hopeless wannabes hoping to elbow themselves to the front to have their 2 seconds of fame. At least that hopeless to***r Farrage isn’t standing. That would be too much to bear for any of us. Still we will carefully consider all of our options and send that man off to the polling station with strict instructions as to how to vote. Last time that happened he ended up voting for the Pirate Party as a protest vote. We had some sharp exchanges about that as we wanted to know who he was protesting about-Calico Jack? This time it will be different as we have learnt about a thing called a poxy-sorry proxy vote and yours truly will be flapping across the lake to go and vote on his behalf. Then we will see a change for the better as I plan to squeeze the rich until the pips squeak I can tell you. My hope is that nice Mr Callaghan will be re elected with an overwhelming majority. It could happen you know.

Anyway on to more pleasant things. Holiday planning is certainly in the air as we are all decamping to the sunny south west with a trip to Devon on the cards. It is not for a few weeks yet but that man and Uncle Tache have hired a lovely late Stuart townhouse in a rather splendid market town for a few days next month. It is to celebrate their first wedding anniversary (who would have thought it eh?) and so the car will be loaded with enough booze to sink a Dartmoor pony and we are all competing as to who will join them. I tell you those two know how to have a party so it will be a week of high jinks and frolics and we all want in. Speaking of the wedding I thought my readers might be interested in a proposal to actually demolish the hotel where they were married to create some luxury flats. I think this is a bit extreme myself but you can’t argue with the property market.

In the last few weeks the leaves have really come out on our local trees and we are now surrounded by a wall of green. This coupled with the lake makes this place seem quite bucolic. We are all preparing ourselves for the summer so you have been warned. It is going to be Gin and Tonics by the lakeside every evening. What bliss! Anyway I have to go now as Uncle Graeme is on his way over to measure up.  Don’t ask!

Happy Easter

Good morning all and welcome back.

First of all I should say that the fan club mob appeared right on cue to come and see me. It was a bit of a worry as there are some nice things here and we weren’t too sure if the occasion was going to be a riotous one.  As you know Norwegians have a reputation for high jinks.  Just look at those Vikings larking about all over Europe on their summer holidays.  Anyway no need to worry as the Irish element kept everything under control and curbed the worse excesses that normally happen when my stalker leaves his home turf.  Well done mate!

Things are beginning to settle down a little bit here now thank goodness.  Hot food has been produced now that man has worked out how the oven works and some sort of routine established.  We are still not sure how long we are going to be in this limbo so it is good to know that things work.  I have to say that it is nice being beside the lake as our aquatic cousins can enjoy the proximity of water.  It also means that we are making friends with the water fowl who call the lake home.  We do like our new Moorhen and Coot friends you know.

As Easter is now upon us we seem to be surrounded by chocolate.  All of the nice people that work with that man exchanged chocolate gifts during the week and they are now sat here waiting for the big day (the chocolate gifts and not the people I hasten to add!).  We trust that they will be shared as otherwise that man is going to need a fork lift truck to move him if he consumes them all.   Just saying!   Anyway thank you to all the nice people who have sent us chocolate.

I know that you are all expecting me to have some comments on that nice Mr Trump. Well I do not like to disappoint but they are not quite as family friendly as some of my more delicate readers might hope for.  What I can say is really more in the way of advice for that man.  Now that they check your smartphone and social media presence once you arrive at the US border there might be some problems ahead.  First of all he can never remember his passwords for his phone and once a border official reads this dribble they won’t let him in on the grounds of diminished mental capacity.  I think that it is lucky that my US fan club are coming to see me this time round as I don’t think that he would get through immigration.  We might be stuck with him for some time yet I fear.   Ah well it is Easter and there is chocolate in the house so we might need to let it go – for now.

I hope that you have a pleasant Easter and will see you back soon.

 

 

 

 

 

Towelgate

Afternoon all. It is a bit sunshine and showers here today. I am not just talking about the weather either. I am expecting a joint visit by my Norwegian and Irish fan clubs a bit later on so I am bracing myself for some madness I can tell you.

Some of my more deranged fans have been pestering to see us in our new home. As you know I deliver what my fans want so here we are in our new home.

Our new home

Our new home

As you can see everything is very tasteful and all is well.

That man has started to settle down now. After nearly a month he has discovered how the oven works so that is good news for all concerned. Now if he just works how the bottle opener works we will be well and truly in business! No really it has been a long time without a drink I can tell you. His normal trick is to discover a need for something. Now I need some kitchen towels we heard him say recently. I am sure that I brought over some from the old place. Where could they be? Of course we know as we watched him put them away about five minutes ago. No I can’t find them I will have to nip round to Waitrose to buy some more. Off he trots. Ten minutes later he is back with new towels. Now where should I put these? This looks like a good spot. Oh dear they can’t go in here as it is already full of erm paper towels. This has been going on for quite some time now and it never fails to amuse us. One day he will get it right but until then we are enjoying ourselves no end I can tell you!

I think that it might be time to go now as he is muttering about putting me away in a safe place if I don’t shut up. Blooming cheek I can tell you. I need to prepare for the arrival of my fans later on anyway. I really must find the bottle opener!