Hello there Gentledudes. Apologies if my voice is a little bit faint but I am having to channel through Bisto Bear as I am currently off site. Yes that man and I have agreed on a short separation and he has allowed me to accompany Uncle Tache to New York where I am currently residing. It is not all cake and cream though as I have had to agree to take Douggie the egotistical genius sheep with me along with the much more civilized company of Colin the Camel. We did fly out in First so that was all right and the Concorde room certainly delivered the goods. However I am now stuck 24/7 with a sheep who could bitch for Britain. Anyway Bisto has agreed to be my medium for talking to you. Thanks mate. Your duty free gift is well and truly in the bag!
We start by sharing a very funny story. That man employed a sadist trainer in the form of Uncle Mike and he has delivered on that front I can tell you. He has started to go out for long periods of time and can be seen larking about the locale looking for the next uphill challenge. He has even bought some kit in the form of jogging trousers and a new waterproof with zip up pockets. There was one major omission though in the form of new trainers. He used his old pair from about 20 years ago which were all right but left a bit to be desired in the way that the soles and uppers met. In other words there were points where you could see socks from the outside which was not good. Aunty Helen is also on a bit of a fitness kick too and the two of them now discuss planks and push ups. She mentioned that she had gone to a specialist shop for her trainers and that man caught the bug. Once I was safely out of the way he set off for Ashley Cross (aka Lower Parkstone) and went to a specialist running shop. He was a bit intimidated but I have taught him well and he asked about trainers. Certainly Sir please come this way. What sort of shoe are you looking for? A neutral or a cushioned. I have no idea was the response. I currently have a pair of Nike Pegasus. Ah leave it with me the nice lady said and take a seat. We will find you the right shoe and then get you up on the treadmill and do a gait analysis. That man froze in horror as the last time that he had used a treadmill he had nearly fallen off. A little voice in his head though said who dares wins and he sat down. The first pair were brought out but were very narrow and the nice lady went off for a wider fitting pair. They duly arrived and in a moment of madness that man put the right shoe on his left foot but managed to disguise this. The pair fitted like a glove. Cinderella can go to the ball and off that man went to the next stage. Luckily he convinced them that there was no need to put him on the treadmill as firstly the age of Victorian punishments in the workhouse were over and secondly that this pair was really good. The lady checked the fit and all was well. He then set off to the cash register as at no point was money discussed. All I can say is that it was one of those moments when it was a good job that there was a nearby café to provide a refreshing and reviving brew as he staggered out of the shop minus my pocket money for next month. He has now got a really good pair of trainers that fit perfectly and he tried them out this morning on a 90 minute hike to the top of Constitution Hill and back and they were a success. Hooray!
Easter is just round the corner you know and that man has engaged with the season and put up some Easter decorations. They are in the form of wooden eggs that have been painted. One in each window looks good and that man is pleased. He also bought some Easter flowers in the form of some Tulips. The Cheeky chicks are due out any time now so looking good. I thought that you might like to see the living room as things shape up.
If you look carefully in the windows you can see the eggs. You can also see the ballerinas who appeared at Christmas who are a lot of fun.
Here are the Tulips and the Easter bunnies on the mantelpiece.
Finally a rare sighting of Bisto bear and his little crew of Mr Scruffy and Tarquin du Coque the Cockerel. Bisto is sporting his natty London underground scarf. You can also see Willoughby the crocodile doing his ambush predator act and Nordstrom the whale and his friend who has recently joined him.
We want to wish you all a Happy Easter. I will be back in UK airspace on Monday all being well and normal service will be resumed. In the meantime that man is eating his own body weight in hot cross buns so it is lucky that he is getting out and about one way or another! All we need is for the donkey to escape from the neighbouring church and Easter will be really ready to happen! Welcome to the madness of my normal life.
Where Eagles fear to flap 