Hello there Gentledudes. Easter is now officially upon us and the Cheeky Chicks have come out to play. They are everywhere and they are demanding some exposure. Well here we go.
Cheeky chick take over
As you can see they have got comfy settled. Some have even made it into the windows.
Cheeky chicks everywhere
As a counterbalance you can see my little mate Paddington giving some much needed class to proceedings.
Paddington says hello
Bless. Little love.
It has been a bit of a slow news week to be honest. Uncle Mike the trainer came to see us as it was too wet and windy to go out and about. Brace yourself but that man has opened negotiations to start some boxing training with him a bit later in the year. This is all a bit concerning to be brutally honest but we need to let history unfold as it wants to. Still we can foresee some issues and if he ends up with a black eye then it is not our fault! Just putting that one out there for all of you.
Ah well the big day is tomorrow and I need to get into shape for the levels of consumption that I am hoping for. Wish me luck!
Hello there Gentledudes. Apologies if my voice is a little bit faint but I am having to channel through Bisto Bear as I am currently off site. Yes that man and I have agreed on a short separation and he has allowed me to accompany Uncle Tache to New York where I am currently residing. It is not all cake and cream though as I have had to agree to take Douggie the egotistical genius sheep with me along with the much more civilized company of Colin the Camel. We did fly out in First so that was all right and the Concorde room certainly delivered the goods. However I am now stuck 24/7 with a sheep who could bitch for Britain. Anyway Bisto has agreed to be my medium for talking to you. Thanks mate. Your duty free gift is well and truly in the bag!
We start by sharing a very funny story. That man employed a sadist trainer in the form of Uncle Mike and he has delivered on that front I can tell you. He has started to go out for long periods of time and can be seen larking about the locale looking for the next uphill challenge. He has even bought some kit in the form of jogging trousers and a new waterproof with zip up pockets. There was one major omission though in the form of new trainers. He used his old pair from about 20 years ago which were all right but left a bit to be desired in the way that the soles and uppers met. In other words there were points where you could see socks from the outside which was not good. Aunty Helen is also on a bit of a fitness kick too and the two of them now discuss planks and push ups. She mentioned that she had gone to a specialist shop for her trainers and that man caught the bug. Once I was safely out of the way he set off for Ashley Cross (aka Lower Parkstone) and went to a specialist running shop. He was a bit intimidated but I have taught him well and he asked about trainers. Certainly Sir please come this way. What sort of shoe are you looking for? A neutral or a cushioned. I have no idea was the response. I currently have a pair of Nike Pegasus. Ah leave it with me the nice lady said and take a seat. We will find you the right shoe and then get you up on the treadmill and do a gait analysis. That man froze in horror as the last time that he had used a treadmill he had nearly fallen off. A little voice in his head though said who dares wins and he sat down. The first pair were brought out but were very narrow and the nice lady went off for a wider fitting pair. They duly arrived and in a moment of madness that man put the right shoe on his left foot but managed to disguise this. The pair fitted like a glove. Cinderella can go to the ball and off that man went to the next stage. Luckily he convinced them that there was no need to put him on the treadmill as firstly the age of Victorian punishments in the workhouse were over and secondly that this pair was really good. The lady checked the fit and all was well. He then set off to the cash register as at no point was money discussed. All I can say is that it was one of those moments when it was a good job that there was a nearby café to provide a refreshing and reviving brew as he staggered out of the shop minus my pocket money for next month. He has now got a really good pair of trainers that fit perfectly and he tried them out this morning on a 90 minute hike to the top of Constitution Hill and back and they were a success. Hooray!
Easter is just round the corner you know and that man has engaged with the season and put up some Easter decorations. They are in the form of wooden eggs that have been painted. One in each window looks good and that man is pleased. He also bought some Easter flowers in the form of some Tulips. The Cheeky chicks are due out any time now so looking good. I thought that you might like to see the living room as things shape up.
Happy Easter
If you look carefully in the windows you can see the eggs. You can also see the ballerinas who appeared at Christmas who are a lot of fun.
Here are the Tulips and the Easter bunnies on the mantelpiece.
Happy Easter
Finally a rare sighting of Bisto bear and his little crew of Mr Scruffy and Tarquin du Coque the Cockerel. Bisto is sporting his natty London underground scarf. You can also see Willoughby the crocodile doing his ambush predator act and Nordstrom the whale and his friend who has recently joined him.
We want to wish you all a Happy Easter. I will be back in UK airspace on Monday all being well and normal service will be resumed. In the meantime that man is eating his own body weight in hot cross buns so it is lucky that he is getting out and about one way or another! All we need is for the donkey to escape from the neighbouring church and Easter will be really ready to happen! Welcome to the madness of my normal life.
Hello there Gentledudes. We have a sad tale to tell you today involving that man. I know there really isn’t any other type but there you go.
It all started well. Uncle Mike aka the Sadist had called to say that he needed to change the venue of the training session as where he had in mind was now in fact waterlogged. That was fine but it put that man’s scheduling into crisis mode as a lot of his week hung off the fact that he was going to be in Broadstone at this particular point in time and space and now he wasn’t going to be. There was a lot of frantic rescheduling and then sanity returned. The day dawned frosty but then turned cold and wet quite quickly. The designated time arrived for the session and it was still wet. That man donned his normal togs and set off. Uncle Mike was there and they set off. Each session is getting a little bit more challenging and this one was the worst yet. They just kept on going getting gradually wetter and wetter. They then hit the mud and eventually managed to make it to a look out point. That was when the problems really started. Uncle Mike got lost on the way back and they had a good 15 minute walk through strange streets looking for the way back. They did pass a bus stop at one point and that man did say that he was happy to wait for the bus but that got short shrift. Eventually they made it back to Poole park and he was made to do his bench push ups which Uncle Mike had increased both in number and pace. That man eventually struggled back home. It turned out though that he hadn’t come straight home. He had actually gone to a local hipster café and ordered lunch. This consisted of a sourdough cheese and tomato toastie, chocolate banana bread and a cuppa. Now the question that this raises is if he has now effectively undone all his hard work in one meal. Answers on a postcard to Cliff T Eagle, The Eyrie, Poole. Here is a picture. You will note that the banana bread is half eaten before the toastie had even been tasted.
Yummy
In more positive news Aunty Helen, Uncle Noel and my Stalker all got together last week to celebrate Uncle Dave. They had a nice lunch and a lovely time. The event finished with a ritual retelling of some of Dave’s many, many low points. There were tears of laughter all round and that man was even reminded of a long forgotten grievance that has now been revived-thanks to my Stalker for reminding him about the £5 donation! It was a good send off.
The sun is coming out and that man is going out soon. We will see if there is a re-enactment of his recent lunch larks. I think we all know the answer to that question don’t we.
Where Eagles fear to flap 