Hello there Gentledudes. I am here and ready to share some more piccies and experiences from the last few weeks. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster and involved a power sharing agreement with that man at one point.
First of all it was hey ho and away we go to lovely Boston. Yes it was up, up and away for another of our mega trips but this time that man divided us and tried to rule this way. No such luck but we were seated separately on the plane in order that we did not become uncontrollable. As if! The very idea! Well clearly we were travelling with Mr Misery. Anyway it was off to the Concorde Room for a pre flight snifter and what a snifter it was. A couple of glasses of a very, very nice Champagne appeared. Here we are.
Well hello!
The rest is a bit of a blur quite frankly. For that reason that man said that he finally had the “goods” on me and unless I agreed to his demands he would reveal all on here. He then whispered what he had and so I had no choice but to agree. Anyway apparently I agreed to publish a couple of pictures of him to show you all how the tache is getting on. Brace yourselves my friends here we go.
Who on earth is that?Still here?
I am publishing them without comment as part of the deal as well.
Anyway Boston was great and we all had a really nice time. Much walking and some shopping and some groaning platters. All too soon it was time to come home. After a sharp discussion on the plane that man had to change into BA pyjamas and still had them on when he disembarked. A bet is a bet you know! He walked through passport control, baggage reclaim and customs in them. As he said he had worn less in worst places back in the day and who am I to argue with him. I hear dark whisperings from him so perhaps best to move on for now. Just to say that he is not the only one with potentially damaging information on the other. Pay me enough and I will reveal all.
It is birthday round up time. A big Cliffie wing wave to Uncle Brian and Aunty Helen who are celebrating about now. The same too to Uncle Bill. Happy Birthday to one and all. There has also been a birthday a bit closer to home. Yes St George’s day is our collective birthday and we partied hard I can tell you. Our sympathies are entirely with the dragon by the way. Here is a snap of the afterparty. I am not sure what Douggie is on but I want in. That lamb could have a good time in a paper bag I tell you.
The afterparty
Safe to say that a good time was had by all.
OK I am going to tell you what that man had on me as I don’t trust him to keep quiet for much longer. Apparently in a drunken moment I said “I love you daddy you are so good to all of us”. I don’t recognise this sentiment but apparently in vino veritas. The things I do for all of you! Still I made him walk through a major airport in PJs so perhaps we just call it quits-for now.
Hello there Gentledudes and welcome to Sunday morning in the Eyrie.
As you know that man has taken up with Uncle Mike and they are plotting a way to fitness for him. It is going to be a long haul if you ask me but hey ho. This morning that man went out for his Sunday power walk. It involves a lot of uphill and lasts for about 90 minutes. It takes him to the highest point in the area called Constitution Hill. Poole is built around water in the form of the harbour. That man kindly obliged by taking some piccies for all of us. Here we go. After about an hour this is the steep set of 60 steps that have to be tackled in order to reach the summit.
Steep steps
When you get to the top this is what greets you. A wonderful panorama of hills and harbour and the sea.
An epic view
You can just about see Old Harry Rocks and the start of the Jurassic coast in this one looking towards the harbour mouth.
An epic view
This one shows the town and the boating lake in Poole park. You can even see the big boat setting off for the French coast as it moves out of the harbour.
An epic view
Another panorama to conclude. Bear in mind that we live at sea level so you can see how far he has to go to capture these shots. Next up is an attempt to tackle to cliffs at Bournemouth. This should be good as he has to fight his way past the goats who are grazing there to keep the vegetation under control. It is all good fun you know!
Hello there Gentledudes. Easter is now officially upon us and the Cheeky Chicks have come out to play. They are everywhere and they are demanding some exposure. Well here we go.
Cheeky chick take over
As you can see they have got comfy settled. Some have even made it into the windows.
Cheeky chicks everywhere
As a counterbalance you can see my little mate Paddington giving some much needed class to proceedings.
Paddington says hello
Bless. Little love.
It has been a bit of a slow news week to be honest. Uncle Mike the trainer came to see us as it was too wet and windy to go out and about. Brace yourself but that man has opened negotiations to start some boxing training with him a bit later in the year. This is all a bit concerning to be brutally honest but we need to let history unfold as it wants to. Still we can foresee some issues and if he ends up with a black eye then it is not our fault! Just putting that one out there for all of you.
Ah well the big day is tomorrow and I need to get into shape for the levels of consumption that I am hoping for. Wish me luck!
Hello there Gentledudes. Apologies if my voice is a little bit faint but I am having to channel through Bisto Bear as I am currently off site. Yes that man and I have agreed on a short separation and he has allowed me to accompany Uncle Tache to New York where I am currently residing. It is not all cake and cream though as I have had to agree to take Douggie the egotistical genius sheep with me along with the much more civilized company of Colin the Camel. We did fly out in First so that was all right and the Concorde room certainly delivered the goods. However I am now stuck 24/7 with a sheep who could bitch for Britain. Anyway Bisto has agreed to be my medium for talking to you. Thanks mate. Your duty free gift is well and truly in the bag!
We start by sharing a very funny story. That man employed a sadist trainer in the form of Uncle Mike and he has delivered on that front I can tell you. He has started to go out for long periods of time and can be seen larking about the locale looking for the next uphill challenge. He has even bought some kit in the form of jogging trousers and a new waterproof with zip up pockets. There was one major omission though in the form of new trainers. He used his old pair from about 20 years ago which were all right but left a bit to be desired in the way that the soles and uppers met. In other words there were points where you could see socks from the outside which was not good. Aunty Helen is also on a bit of a fitness kick too and the two of them now discuss planks and push ups. She mentioned that she had gone to a specialist shop for her trainers and that man caught the bug. Once I was safely out of the way he set off for Ashley Cross (aka Lower Parkstone) and went to a specialist running shop. He was a bit intimidated but I have taught him well and he asked about trainers. Certainly Sir please come this way. What sort of shoe are you looking for? A neutral or a cushioned. I have no idea was the response. I currently have a pair of Nike Pegasus. Ah leave it with me the nice lady said and take a seat. We will find you the right shoe and then get you up on the treadmill and do a gait analysis. That man froze in horror as the last time that he had used a treadmill he had nearly fallen off. A little voice in his head though said who dares wins and he sat down. The first pair were brought out but were very narrow and the nice lady went off for a wider fitting pair. They duly arrived and in a moment of madness that man put the right shoe on his left foot but managed to disguise this. The pair fitted like a glove. Cinderella can go to the ball and off that man went to the next stage. Luckily he convinced them that there was no need to put him on the treadmill as firstly the age of Victorian punishments in the workhouse were over and secondly that this pair was really good. The lady checked the fit and all was well. He then set off to the cash register as at no point was money discussed. All I can say is that it was one of those moments when it was a good job that there was a nearby café to provide a refreshing and reviving brew as he staggered out of the shop minus my pocket money for next month. He has now got a really good pair of trainers that fit perfectly and he tried them out this morning on a 90 minute hike to the top of Constitution Hill and back and they were a success. Hooray!
Easter is just round the corner you know and that man has engaged with the season and put up some Easter decorations. They are in the form of wooden eggs that have been painted. One in each window looks good and that man is pleased. He also bought some Easter flowers in the form of some Tulips. The Cheeky chicks are due out any time now so looking good. I thought that you might like to see the living room as things shape up.
Happy Easter
If you look carefully in the windows you can see the eggs. You can also see the ballerinas who appeared at Christmas who are a lot of fun.
Here are the Tulips and the Easter bunnies on the mantelpiece.
Happy Easter
Finally a rare sighting of Bisto bear and his little crew of Mr Scruffy and Tarquin du Coque the Cockerel. Bisto is sporting his natty London underground scarf. You can also see Willoughby the crocodile doing his ambush predator act and Nordstrom the whale and his friend who has recently joined him.
We want to wish you all a Happy Easter. I will be back in UK airspace on Monday all being well and normal service will be resumed. In the meantime that man is eating his own body weight in hot cross buns so it is lucky that he is getting out and about one way or another! All we need is for the donkey to escape from the neighbouring church and Easter will be really ready to happen! Welcome to the madness of my normal life.
Hello there Gentledudes. We have a sad tale to tell you today involving that man. I know there really isn’t any other type but there you go.
It all started well. Uncle Mike aka the Sadist had called to say that he needed to change the venue of the training session as where he had in mind was now in fact waterlogged. That was fine but it put that man’s scheduling into crisis mode as a lot of his week hung off the fact that he was going to be in Broadstone at this particular point in time and space and now he wasn’t going to be. There was a lot of frantic rescheduling and then sanity returned. The day dawned frosty but then turned cold and wet quite quickly. The designated time arrived for the session and it was still wet. That man donned his normal togs and set off. Uncle Mike was there and they set off. Each session is getting a little bit more challenging and this one was the worst yet. They just kept on going getting gradually wetter and wetter. They then hit the mud and eventually managed to make it to a look out point. That was when the problems really started. Uncle Mike got lost on the way back and they had a good 15 minute walk through strange streets looking for the way back. They did pass a bus stop at one point and that man did say that he was happy to wait for the bus but that got short shrift. Eventually they made it back to Poole park and he was made to do his bench push ups which Uncle Mike had increased both in number and pace. That man eventually struggled back home. It turned out though that he hadn’t come straight home. He had actually gone to a local hipster café and ordered lunch. This consisted of a sourdough cheese and tomato toastie, chocolate banana bread and a cuppa. Now the question that this raises is if he has now effectively undone all his hard work in one meal. Answers on a postcard to Cliff T Eagle, The Eyrie, Poole. Here is a picture. You will note that the banana bread is half eaten before the toastie had even been tasted.
Yummy
In more positive news Aunty Helen, Uncle Noel and my Stalker all got together last week to celebrate Uncle Dave. They had a nice lunch and a lovely time. The event finished with a ritual retelling of some of Dave’s many, many low points. There were tears of laughter all round and that man was even reminded of a long forgotten grievance that has now been revived-thanks to my Stalker for reminding him about the £5 donation! It was a good send off.
The sun is coming out and that man is going out soon. We will see if there is a re-enactment of his recent lunch larks. I think we all know the answer to that question don’t we.
Well hello there Gentledudes. I hope that you are all well. The weather continues pretty crappy down here and we think that man may have developed trench foot somewhere along the line. He has been going out and about a bit more than normal as he is doing the bidding of the sadist and using Broadstone rec to be his outdoor gym. Yes he can be seen hoofing around it and doing strange things with benches and steps every once in a while. The bonus for us is that this has widened the search area for post box toppers. Now the latest ones do not quite fit our strict criteria but comes close enough to be included as they are a pair of very fine bollard warmers. Now don’t laugh bollards need warming you know. This fine pair can be found outside the local Methodist church when they have their coffee mornings. We really like them and are going to nip inside and have an epic slab of cake at some point to admire them from the other side.
More toppers
That man also went out for a cup of tea recently and came back with this very atmospheric shot of some new arrivals on the quayside.
Anyone for a jaunt?
A nice spot for a refreshing cuppa I think. Anyone care to join me and see if we can nick one of those boats and go out and about for a spin in it? Just let me know and we can arrange a plan.
I am pleased to say that man is going to be going out of county this weekend as he will be meeting Aunty Helen, Uncle Noel and my stalker for a memorial lunch for Uncle Dave. It is going to be a riotous affair I can tell you as that man plus alcohol plus chips plus custard can only lead to one thing-mayhem. Pity the poor eagle is all I can say as I am the one that has to pick up the pieces afterwards. There will be tears by bedtime I fear but I will do my best to cope. I am that kind of eagle you know. All heart and purveyor of common sense and kindness. Oh sorry even I don’t believe that. We hope that the event is very riotous indeed as that would be very much Uncle Dave’s style and it will be wonderful for all of them to get together. Bottoms up.
It is with a great deal of sadness that we have to pass on to a darker subject. Yes another outbreak of middle aged madness. That man was let loose online and bought some new leisure wear. Not sensible slacks and comfy shoes. Oh no. This is full on mid life order me a Ferrari and a dolly bird secretary crisis stuff. He is still toying with the 70s porn star tache concept and now has bought unsuitable clothing that is about 50 years too young for him. I say this with confidence as he turns 60 this year. You figure out the maths on that one. Yes he went online and ordered this shirt.
Oh dear
The worse part of all of this is that he actually went out in public wearing it the other night to dinner and people complimented him on it. I fear that it is going to be a very long summer indeed as he is already talking about buying the matching bucket hat! Beam me up I am ready to go as he is now talking about a steampunk inspired corset type waistcoat. It looks fabulous but even so I ask you really?????? Will no one rid me of this turbulent “owner”?
Well it has happened and the year has turned and we are now at its lowest point. It is February. The weather has been very poor and Douggie has been suffering from a hangover ever since we got back from Dubai. That man keeps on telling me that I was in charge of him but piffle and nonsense is what I say to that. As my loyal readers know it is all about the Eagle and a needy, narcissistic sheep comes in a distinct second. Anyway he is a mean drunk and I wasn’t coming between him and his lil drinkie let me tell you. No sooner do I get settled in but I hear the persistent tinkle that means that Bob the sheep requires some attention. He has heard that there is a Barry the Crocus somewhere out there and he is determined to find him. Heaven help us what Bob wants Bob gets. He is even more egotistical than someone else that lives here (and that is a MAJOR achievement believe me!) but I am apparently banned from mentioning his name but I think we all know who I mean. Yes that man. Whoops that just slipped out. If we end up in the High Court with that nice Mr Windsor you will be required to go for total deniability. Just remember this when the time is right! For the benefit of newer readers in our American and Australian branches we go through this every year. It dates back to the years when that man had window boxes that he kept stuffed full of bulbs and Bob instantly named all Crocuses Barry. Don’t ask why I know it doesn’t make sense but that is Bob for you.
Imagine the scene. It has been cold and wet for the longest time. We are all curled up indoors waiting for something to happen when the bell starts ringing. Bob the sheep with his loyal sidekick Bucky suddenly announces that it is now or never time. Yes Barry hunting can wait no longer. He particularly wants to see a yellow Barry and there is no compromise possible. As you can see Bob knows how to negotiate. In his spare time he acts as a sub for Bob Crowe on the railways. It doesn’t matter that the ground is sodden or that it is very windy, that man has a chest infection and we all have better things to do with our time. Bob wants it and he wants it now.
Off we go. First of all he spots a little white friend. Uncle Brian likes snowdrops he tells me so that is where we are going first. I need a little snack before we get going.
Little snowdrops to eat-yummy!
A tasty treat and I know that Paddington would want me to have it he says. Having reduced the snowdrops to a pulp he sets off and wants to see what he can graze on next. Oh look there is a step where we can get up high and survey the scene. It is only later discovered that the step was in fact the local war memorial but we don’t think that the local veterans will mind too much.
Dare we?
Right there in front of them is a lovely little Daff which has just had a good soaking. Come on let’s go says Bob to Bucky. It is nibble time. We are doing this for king and country. As you can tell Bob can be quite gung-ho when he wants to be.
Feeding frenzy
The photo is a bit blurry as a feeding frenzy ensued. Not a pretty sight I can tell you.
Ooh bite size Daffs
Here they are in close up. Well that was nice but it doesn’t get us any closer to Barry says Bob to Bucky. What is over there?
Dreams come true you know
No it can’t be can it? Oh yes it is Bob it is purple Barry. Tuck in Bucky it is Christmas come early for us. A lot of them and nice and juicy. Mmmmmmmm.
Barry!
Close but no cigar says Bob. I specifically ordered (!) a yellow Crocus and that is what I am going to have otherwise I will have to lodge a complaint with the nearest competent authority. I tell you he is very good at channelling his inner Margo when he needs to.
What is that over there Bucky? Let’s go and see Bob. Ah yes it looks like a little clump of yellow Crocus. Don’t bother Bucky I have taken care of it and there is only one left.
There’s not much left of this yellow Barry
Hardly worth bothering really. Time to go home Bucky. I am a bit full now and need an afternoon nap!
Incredible you couldn’t make it up. Really you couldn’t! This is dedicated to Uncle Dave. He and that man used to go for their own Barry hunting expedition to Kew Gardens every year but it was simply a front for a MASSIVE blow out at the local café involving bucket loads of cream and industrial quantities of tea and hot chocolate. This was all before they had a drink to celebrate the coming of spring. Legless and too full to move before noon. Quite an achievement really but they put in the hours each year to make it happen. It also normally ended up in some ritual humiliation for one or other of them. My favourite was the year when Uncle Dave had reached the age when he could get a senior entry. He went up to pay and asked for a senior entry and tentatively said that he could offer proof of age. The man behind the ticket counter said that wouldn’t be necessary as Dave obviously qualified. He then took one look at that man and simply sold them two senior entry tickets without a flicker of doubt that they both qualified. That mas was about 40 at this point!
Meanwhile in other news we just have to fill you in on another saga. That man started by wanting to grow a full beard. The hipster barber told him that he didn’t think it was going to work. He has decided to concentrate on his tache. He grew it to the extent that with a bit of wax he could have had nice curly ends to it. He was planning on doing his whole Victorian evil villain thing (it is a phase he is going through or at least I hope it is a phase!) but the barber said no. He has cut it off again. Now the hope is a cowboy look or a (young people should look away at this point!) 1970s porn star. I tell you I am surrounded by delusional idiots. Just because he lived through the 1970s does not mean that he can actually emulate the style. Oh dear watch this space for tachewatch! I need a lie down I can tell you. As the song says the only way is up!
Well hello there Gentledudes. Yes I am back safe and sound after my little trip away. Hold on a minute I am getting a message here. That man has “forgotten” to pass on my message that I was just popping over to Dubai for a few days of rest and recuperation. Typical. Well Douggie, Colin and I set off with Uncle Tache for a few sun soaked days in Dubai sat on a nice terrace and with some therapeutic shopping chucked in. We left the ugliness which is a goodbye scene with that man far behind us and had a fine old time. The flight home took its toll though and here we are back safe and sound once more. Douggie took it hard and is still drying out I can tell you.
Douggie and I absolutely exhausted after our flight
A lot seems to have happened and at the same time not a lot. I thought that I could do a photo montage to describe the last few weeks to you. The weather has been a bit of a mixed bag but we have had some nice days as well as some really not nice ones. That man is following instructions from his personal trainer and getting out and about more. Here is a piccie of Bournemouth beach on a fine day in January.
Bournemouth beach in January
This is Studland beach in February to compare and contrast.
Studland beach in February
He also shot this picture of our town sign as he was waiting for the ferry to get to Studland. As you can see the sun put his hat on for the day.
Town sign
Enough of that for now. My contract with the local tourist board is in the bag when you all come and see me and visitor numbers shoot into the stratosphere.
Talking of that man and his sessions with the personal trainer I now have to issue a public health warning. He is taking all of this to the outside world. Yes from next week onwards he will be seen lumbering around Broadstone with his trainer. You have been warned and if you see him act surprised. We haven’t stopped laughing yet!
Spring is on its way too and look what we found in the local churchyard.
We all know what is on its way don’t we?
Yes our local bulb hell is about to start as Bob and Bucky think about a little adventure to go and find Barry the Crocus. Luckily I bought wisely in duty free so we are equipped to deal with all of this.
There we are a few highlights in a little photo montage to update you all. Simple really.
Well I am now off to take Douggie to get some fresh air as he needs reviving. These young sheep don’t have my stamina I can tell you. See you soon.
Hello there Gentledudes. January continues to delight and amaze us and it did the former this week as that man left us home alone this week. yes he actually got out of the house and went on a trip to Newcastle. He set off on the train and then got on a plane and then back via plane and coach. He said that he had a very nice time and would recommend it to others. At the same time Uncle Tache went out for an Indian and effectively left us home alone. How thrilling for us all. Trust me we made the best of it as we never quite know when this will happen once more. Let us just say there are certain bits of the living room that will never be quite the same again. That man says the longest bit of the journey is filling in the feedback forms afterwards. he has spent quite some time filling them in and he says that he might not bother next time. Anyway he enjoyed the whole experience and will be going out and about again before too long.
His exercise routine continues and he is now doing planks and push ups. We could sell tickets I can tell you. Apparently he is going outdoors to do exercises in public before too long. Worry not we will make sure that we take a camera.
We can’t wait for January to be over as it has gone on forever. Bad weather, dark days and a lot of demands on our pocket money have made us really wish that February had started already. Not long now though-hooray. See you then dudes!
It just isn’t good enough you know. Here I am a young Eagle in his prime just wanting to talk to my friends both near and far and that man doesn’t allow me to publish my thoughts to the world for such a long time. I mean to say we all have things to do but none is as important as our together time on this site. So much time has gone by that I am going to have to skip across a lot of ground by just pretending it didn’t happen. As most of it involved that man’s fury at the government and me having to be Cliffie Nightingale it is perhaps no bad thing to skip along.
That man has shocked and surprised us once more by going all Hollywood as he phrases it and has acquired a personal trainer who comes to the house and tortures him. He has nicknamed him the sadist as if he isn’t one then he is wasting his money. We know him as nice Mike who we like a lot as he tortures that man. He has got him doing planks and press ups so you can see that he is good. Next up it is going out into the world and outdoor workouts. We might pass on those but we will be ready to hose him down when he returns all muddy. I am pleased to say that Uncle Tache is rising above all of this late middle age madness and has kept his dignity quite firmly intact. Watch this space.
Last weekend it was up and away to sunny Scotland and a trip to Edinburgh. Someone had a birthday and so it was marked in appropriate fashion. There was a lovely pre flight snifter in the First lounge and then a nice flight to the frozen north. We had a lovely day with Aunty Sue and Uncle Steve in sunny Stirling and a very interesting few hours on Britannia which has come to rest in Leith. A genuinely interesting tour and that man loved to see the Queen Mother’s lift which was installed so that she could access all decks. That man has had a bad cold and so he couldn’t taste anything so it was a shame as they went to some very nice restaurants indeed. As he doesn’t really drink anymore it was a bit of a waste really. Send the eagle instead is what I say. Anyway we all went on an early morning walk to St Giles cathedral but the witch burning must have been late starting as we were the only ones there. Sorry apparently they no longer do this as Scotland is a very modern country. Instead they assert their Caledonian pride by selling very overpriced tartan products to American tourists. Much more civilized apparently! That man threatened to buy me a tartan dog coat to keep me warm but I put my foot down on that and told him to buy me a vodka martini instead as that would warm me from the inside.
It was an interesting night last night. We had people in for dinner and Marcus made his signature toad in the hole (foreign readers should look this up straight away as it is not meant to be taken literally as a description of the ingredients. No frogs were harmed in the production of the meal I can assure you) which met with universal acclaim from one and all. That man went to bed early and he had snuggled down when the fire alarm goes off. It was quickly silenced but keeps on coming back on. He gets out of bed and promptly enters a parallel universe which had opened up in his absence that most closely resembled a scene from a Cynthia Payne party. One neighbour is stood outside his room with a blanket in hand and is waving it vigorously. Another visitor comes out of another bedroom with a cushion in hand and simply wishes that man a good evening in a strangely dodgy Dorset accent as he passes by and then Uncle Tache appeared from the same room. Apparently there had been some burning going on and that man decided that discretion was the better part of valour and just rose above the whole thing and did the sensible thing and wished one and all a good night and shut his door very firmly indeed. It reminded that man of an incident involving Uncle Dave and my Stalker. They were having dinner in the Barbican one evening and were sat at the table. A fog started to descend on the assembled gathering and that man could only see Uncle Dave and my Stalker with difficulty as dinner progressed. Uncle Dave then showed his grip on things and his ability to deal with any situation with badly aimed humour by simply saying “oh someone is having a party”. The reality was that a nearby flat was on fire and the firemen appeared in the corridor a few minutes later and escorted Uncle Dave from the building “for his own safety”. What a giant we have lost in the form of Uncle Dave and his South London wit and wisdom.
We met up with Aunty Helen this week and had a lovely lunch. She reminded us that it was nearly time for Bob the Sheep to come out and amaze us all by his annual bulb hunt. It is sadly true so let us hope that spring is delayed a bit this year and we can put the horror off for a few more weeks. There are snowdrops in the churchyard though so it is not looking promising. You have been warned.
Where Eagles fear to flap 