A New Year’s Toast

As we approach the end of 2020 I thought that I would suggest a toast for New Year’s Eve. This has been a very difficult year and we have all been affected one way or another. That man and all of us here will be rising a glass to remember absent friends on Thursday evening and we hope that you feel able to join us.

Meanwhile in other news a strange incident occurred yesterday. That man was in charge (I know as if !) and he put the iPad on to charge. After ten minutes there was a clattering sound and it had fallen down and the charging lead was broken. Lateral thinking kicked in and he had to work out a solution. Ah ha he thought I will check if Argos has any in stock. Now all I need to do is check the Argos site and go out and buy one. Small problem. The iPad he was going to use had very little charge as he needed to buy a charging lead to get it going. He just threw all caution to the wind and set out to see what he could find. Luckily Argos delivered the goods and all was well. Phew it could have gone either way you know.

The Christmas decorations are coming down on Friday so wish us luck. At least there is some chocolate still available so all will be well I hope. Happy New Year from all of us!

The Christmas piccies

Well we are in the aftermath phase of this whole Christmas thing. We had a brilliant time and are very happy with the whole experience. I thought that I would share some piccies with you all to illustrate how nice things were.

Things started well with the arrival of a Christmas card especially for me from my US fan club. I am very happy with it so thank you. Here I am with it.

My card

That man made a tactical error in giving us access to the light box and “permission” to use it to share festive messages. We have made good use of it I can tell you.

The more observant of you will realise that Kivster has been very low key this year. We have tended to ignore him as he has shifted position each day. He got a bit fed up with this and used the light box to issue a threat of sorts!

I’ll be back!

We were soon ready for the big day and here is the scene on Christmas morning.

Ready for the off

In a few minutes all the presents were open and all of the Champagne drunk. It made for a wonderful time and a nice way to spend the day. One present though really caught my attention. A neighbour had given us a litre and a half of a very decent red wine and so the after party was sorted out for yours truly! Happy days indeed.

The after party is sorted!

We had a lovely day and have been updating our message each day. That man has put his foot down though over our new year’s message. We wanted to write something rude and he won’t let us. We will see. He goes to bed early you know and I am sure that we can come up with something suitable once he has left us for the evening. Ha, ha, ha! We hope that you all had a good Christmas too and we are looking forward to seeing the back of 2020.

Happy Christmas one and all

Hello there. Well the big day has finally arrived and the big bearded stranger is on his way to bring joy and delight to the little children around the world. We are settling down with a nice glass of something refreshing and so it now time to do the big reveal of our Christmas photo.

Picture the scene. Uncle Tache had done some really good work and cleared all of the logs out of the dining room fireplace. He had then carefully re-painted it in a lovely shade of green and the scene was set to reveal our Little Theatre of Dreams. Yes Uncle Tache had created our own little bit of space so that we could put on a production to thrill and delight the eagerly waiting world. Think of “The Greatest Showman” put on in a fireplace and you will get the idea. Here is a picture of our little theatre just before it opened waiting for the first production to be set up.

Before the performance

Well we needed to decide what production to put on. Of course, lockdown rules were respected and we decided to focus in on some of the things we had to work with this year. There were shortages of pasta, beans, tomatoes and toilet rolls so these formed part of our set. Here it is before rehearsals started.

The Director prepares for the cast

As you can see it is looking good enough to eat already. I tell you if that Nigella could get in she would have a field day making something delicious out of this lot. As the star of the show this was my publicity shot. Imagine it my little face plastered across billboards across the world.

The next stage was trying to decide what show we were going to put on. We thought long and hard about this one. Clearly Bob the Sheep wanted to use the venue to put on his one sheep bell show but we all put our feet down over that particular concept. It was suggested that we have a crack at something a bit more serious and we did think about doing our own production of “Mother Courage”. There were a few issues with this and I had to reluctantly conclude that this might be beyond our limited means at this point in time. That man suggested that we could put on “Macbeth” as we all look like that nice Lady Macbeth as we wash our hands all of the time. There was quite a sharp discussion about who would play the witches and it was likewise decided to put this idea on hold for now. What could we put on with our little ragged troupe desperate for something to capture the mood of 2020. Suddenly Mr Fitz had a brainwave. He is a clever one that bear I can tell you. He doesn’t say much but we tend to listen when he speaks. He suggested that we have a go at staging our very own version of “Oliver!”. Brilliant. “Please sir can I have some more”. Only I could put the necessary pathos into that particular phrase and I intended to give it everything that I had got. Rehearsals started straight away and we prepared for the opening night. Things went well and we reached the climax of the show. In our very own nod to 2020 we decided to give it our all and we almost literally brought the house down with our rendition of that classic “Food Glorious Food”. The whole cast was on stage and we belted out these very appropriate lyrics.

Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live ’til eighty four
All we ever get is gru… el!
Ev’ry day we say our prayer —
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old gru… el!
There’s not a crust, not a crumb can we find
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge
But there’s nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imag… ine

Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we’re in the mood —
Cold jelly and custard!
Peas, pudding and saveloys!
What next is the question?
Rich gentlemen have it, boys —
In-di-gestion!

Food, glorious food!
We’re anxious to try it
Three banquets a day —
Our favourite diet!

We decided that this would be our official Christmas picture and so here we all are. Mr Fitz and his Little Theatre of Dreams Christmas 2020 cast presenting their very own production of Oliver!  It was exhausting but worth it.  In a post production note it should be noted that the theatre has now been sold and is now a proper fireplace.

Mr Fitz and his Little Theatre of Dreams proudly presents Oliver!

Remember this was for one night only as we did not plan a long run. Also that man threatened us with the Lord Chamberlain if this went on much longer philistine that he is.   The reviews are in and were excellent so we were sorry that we were forced to close after only one performance.

Happy Christmas to one and all. Love Cliff and all of the gang.

A cheery anecdote

As you know it has been a very difficult year for all of us one way or another. I am trying to end on a high so here is a story to warm even the hardest of cockles!

That man has been going a bit stir crazy recently. He had enjoyed going into “work” and (as he terms it) helping out. Now they must be desperate if they consider anything that he does as in anyway shape or form helping out but they are nice decent people so I suspect they are just being nice. Still he was in the doldrums and so we suggested that he got out and about a little bit before Christmas. He embraced this concept and off he went on the bus to Wimborne and had a stroll there. He also bought three bottles of very decent red wine which we hope to be sampling before too long. The next trip was to Dorchester on the train. He had a nice stroll around and even bought a new friend for us. Finally he got on the bus to Bournemouth and had a stroll along the front and out on the pier. There were a couple of cruise liners moored in the bay and it was a nice trip. When he got back he decided to got to his favourite sandwich shop and treat himself to a freshly prepared lunchtime treat. There was a lovely lady in the shop and she said how wonderful it was to see that man as it had been quite some time. She then said that the reason they liked that man was that he had such good manners. We laughed so much that we cried.

Hope that little anecdote cheered you up. It did a lot for our morale I can tell you!

Dame Barbara and that man

Hello there. Well a bit of sad news this week as the lovely dame Barbara Windsor sadly passed away this week. We were big fans of hers and were particularly sad that she had issues with her health over the past few years. For once though we have our very own celebrity spot that is both relevant and faintly nostalgic so a good combination. Now our intrepid travellers are big fans of that nice Mr Portillo. They have enjoyed watching him mincing across the world and have even planned a couple of holidays based on his recommendations. One of these was a trip to the lovely island of Majorca. They were keen to go on the Tren de Soller from Palma to Soller. This is also known as the Orange Express and is very scenic and very nice indeed. This of course required us all to get to Majorca and a flight to Palma was duly booked. This was a very early morning flight and left City Airport at 07:00. Our dynamic duo had settled themselves into the Club section of the plane and it was quite full apart from two seats immediately behind them. As departure time approached they assumed that these were booked by people who had missed the flight. They were wrong. Just moments before the doors closed the lovely dame Barbara accompanied by her husband boarded the plane and they sat themselves down just behind that man and Uncle Tache. She looked amazing for 07:00 and was perfectly turned out. There was no fuss as she settled in and off we went. At Palma airport she and her husband walked through to the baggage claim. Without a word she then walked on through customs leaving him to collect the bags and follow her outside. What a star.

The rest of the world looks more and more depressing. I am not going to share my thoughts on Brexit as I think that there are limits on the language that a well brought up Eagle can use in the public domain. Worry not I will have a lot to say once the final picture is clear so brace yourself for next week on that front. All I will say is that the f***wit of a Foreign Secretary was heard to comment that higher food prices were just a bump in the road to full sovereignty. Only an entitled idiot would say that when we are in the middle of the biggest economic downturn for 300 years and people are going hungry even before the expected price rises in January. Tone deaf incompetent is perhaps the kindest thing that I can say about him at the moment. It looks as if nice Mr Trump has failed in getting the Supreme Court to look at his case about the election which is a rare glimmer of good news. Only a few more days until the Electoral College does its stuff. Phew.

It is beginning to feel a bit more festive here as more and more little displays are put together. We wanted to share a picture though that is more natural. That man went on a walk besides the harbour the other day. He spotted this lovely white bird wading along and enjoying a bit of a snack. We think it is an Egret so thought we would share the picture with you all.

Little Egret

We thought that this was a nicer way to end this week than me ranting so I hope that you like the picture. We are going to find our local campsite and see if there are any hippies hanging out disturbing the peace and remember Dame Barbara. Until next week a fond farewell.

That was the year that wasn’t

Hello there. Well we have reached that time of year when we look back and think of what has happened in the past year. I did consider not doing the review this year but I have been persuaded that at least one person wants to find out what I think. Rest assured that one person is not that man who dreads these posts as he never seems to come out well of them. So if nothing else it annoys him so everything is good!

I suppose the most obvious event of the year has been various degrees of lockdown for one and all. Regardless of where my fans are based they have all had to put up with varying degrees of inconvenience. Of course, that has brought out the right wing nutters who claim that the whole thing is a severe infringement of their civil liberties. The most obvious marker of this are the people who refuse to wear masks in public areas. Now quite a few of them are old gits who simply forget. That man definitely falls into this category as at the start he was forever putting on and taking off his mask. Over time he has learned to just put it on and try and forget about it. Some hope. He is a bit of a liability in this respect but he is also very nice when he realises his mistake and puts it right. Then there are the people who can’t be bothered as they are obviously immune and so they won’t catch it or pass it on. They have a certain way of walking that lets you know to give them a wide berth as they are just idiotic cretins and always look a bit aggressive. Then there are the ideological non mask wearers. They are simply nutters and best avoided using the widest of social distancing. There seem to be a lot of these in the US but quite a few over here as well. Luckily there is enough space down here to avoid virtually everyone so all is well with the world in that respect. I must say that we will all be glad when mask wearing is no longer required. We have a big bowl of masks here which that man keeps in apple pie order but there is always the potential for shortages if his washing routine gets interrupted.

Another feature of the year has been the cancellation of nearly everything pleasurable. I had a lot of travel plans this year and they have nearly all being cancelled. We have trips to Bath, Torrington and Canada booked for next year and I am not sure which we will be able to go on. A big shout out and Cliffie wingwave goes to those nice people at BA and IHG for their help in unravelling our own plans. Also a big wingwave to Aunty Helen who was due to join us for some of the travel. We are very sad that it didn’t happen.

Of course, my thoughts on the year wouldn’t be complete without mention of my arch nemesis BoJo. Who would have thought that we would have had to rely on Boris for leadership and direction. I know that I would normally say stranger thigs have happened but I am not sure that phrase comes close to encompassing this particular scenario. He disappeared for long periods of time when there was no good news. He also put off the tough decisions and just waffled. Not to mention his little “chum” Dom. We simply needed someone to give us the bad news and tell it like it is. We also needed someone who wasn’t going to give a lot of key positions and contracts to chums. I am only going to mention the whole test and trace fiasco as an example that encapsulates the whole mess. Thanks Boris.

An area that I haven’t really focussed on this year has been that of sport. What I hear you cry what interest does an intellectual giant like you have in sport. Well it was quite interesting to see how the footballers reacted to the whole situation. They started off by saying it is silly that we can’t kick a ball around and get paid mega bucks for doing so. Then they stopped training but carried on getting paid vast sums of money for doing nothing as they had contracts that said this is what should happen. At the same time the very poorly paid people who work in the clubs were put on furlough until a public outcry put a stop to that. Questions were asked why couldn’t the players support these people rather than the taxpayer. Then several of them broke lockdown for various very dubious reasons. Finally they got playing once more. The only redeeming feature is the wonderful and nice Mr Rashford who saved the situation. He is a true hero and he too gets his very own Cliffie wingwave and we hope that he goes into politics as he is a force to be reckoned with. It might be a while until he gets a knighthood though.

This brings us on to our favourite despot-that nice Mr Trump. Yes he is on his way out but making as much fuss as possible on the way. We are glad that he lost and is being given the order of the boot. That is, of course, a separate award from the order of the boot that nice Mr Biden is currently wearing. It will be interesting to see what happens to him in the next four years as we think that he will have a few things to catch up on once he leaves office. This year I am awarding my good riddance award to that nice Mr Trump. It is a prestigious award and one that we hope that he appreciates winning as he hasn’t won much else recently.

On a more domestic front we have enjoyed watching the birdies in the back garden. There is the lovely Dennis the Robin who we have known since he was a chick. The lovely Blackbird family who made our back garden their home. The adorable Wanda the Wren. The flash mob Sparrows who just descend on the garden and stuff their beaks on a regular basis. They have all been gorgeous and we have enjoyed their company throughout the year. There was an incident the other day though that it is my sad duty to bring to your attention. The morning was progressing peacefully when the whole neighbourhood heard a very aggressive voice shouting “Get out of it you f***ing b*****d. It is not enough that I feed you you need to eat my sh***ing bulbs as well”. That man had spotted the local Squirrel come into the garden. He had eaten all of the suet nuggets and then strolled over and dug up a couple of the spring bulbs that man had planted a month ago. He has also been nibbling away on the little sprouts that had appeared and I have genuine fears for his future safety. That man is a complete incompetent but you don’t mess with his bulbs unless you want a severe ticking off. I don’t think this is going to end well for any of us but it does give an edge to the end of 2020 I can tell you.

I suppose I have to finish with my tribute to that man. Apparently it is in my contract that once a year I have to say something nice about him. We have spent more time together this year than ever before and I sincerely hope ever will again. It has been a bit tricky at times but we have managed to get through it one way or another. Uncle Tache has been his normal magnificent self and kept us safe and well fed throughout. That man has tolerated me but at times we have managed to snuggle up together and tut in unison over the latest mad happenings in the rest of the world and he even tickled me behind my ear once or twice. All is well with the world so hooray for that.

There is a lot more that I could say but I think it is time to finish off. Thank you so much to all of my loyal followers for sharing the year with me. I have really enjoyed sharing my world with you all and I do hope that you will continue to join me into 2021. Rest assured the Christmas picture is under control and we hope that you will enjoy when it is is published. In the meantime keep safe and I will be back soon.

Goodbye Big Fred

Well as you may recall I left you all on a bit of a cliff-hanger. The hot water had failed and goodness knows what is going to happen next is a reasonable summary. Rather predictably the answer to that particular question was a week of bad temper and many attempts to play that well known parlour game pin the blame on the Eagle. Typical. For once I had nothing to do with recent events and I quite resent the implication that I was nibbling at the tank when it failed. As if. Now I might have been trying to hide something behind it but that is as far as it goes. Anyway come Friday things were sorted out and we said goodbye to Big Fred our old tank. Here he is standing outside our gaffe.

Big Fred

As you can see he is a big boy. Young Fred is now with us and producing hot water so the day is saved. Thank goodness for that as I couldn’t have coped for much longer. We Eagles don’t like cold showers you know.

What else has happened? Well that nice Mr Trump seems to be moving towards admitting defeat in the recent election. Speaking of things American Tallulah wants to send out a big howdy to all of her fans around the world. That Turkey has got ideas above her station if you ask me. Anyway back to me darling. What else? Well we now know what tier we will be in come Wednesday. This has not been an easy process and a lot of people are very upset over it all. It all seems very farcical as it would have been easier to just carry on with lockdown for the foreseeable future. We are in tier 2 which means that we can’t mix households. That suits us fine as the pubs are still open so we can go out for lunch once in a while. Apart from that it is very much business as usual. That all applies until Christmas. At Christmas we all get five days off from fighting the virus and get to spend time together. I know that I have some younger fans so I have to be careful what I say next for their sakes. What a pile of piffle and nonsense. Coronavirus isn’t going to take any time off and you get that blonde buffoon saying in one breath we mustn’t let the virus win and follow the rules and in the next telling us that we will be doing the opposite over Christmas. Well really. It is just stupid and it won’t be altering the way that we spend our time over Christmas. It will be austerity all of the way and no mingling. I tell you when the spring comes and all of this might be over that man will be like a puppy that needs socialising again as he has got out of the habit of mixing with people. It is just plain madness and we won’t be joining in this amnesty.

There I am glad that I have got that out there. That man has been going out each day this week. It turns out he is out at “work” helping out. I know this sounds improbable but he is actually quite good at what he does but you didn’t hear this from me. We don’t quite know what he is actually doing but we are not convinced that he does either. Still he is out of our hair for the time being so that is what we are focussing on for now. As you know we eagles are very good at finding the silver lining to each cloud.

In a piece of breaking news we now have a flock of about 20 Sparrows who have taken to flash mobbing the back garden and we now have a rather lovely young Thrush who has called in to say hello for the past few days. Just call me Doctor Doolittle and we are done! I am off for a hot bath and I simply offer up a prayer that I don’t use all of the hot water!

Happy Thanksgiving

Well howdy to all of my many fans this is Tallulah the Turkey here to spread some Thanksgiving joy to all of my friends back in the good ole US of A. Just to remind y’ all this is a little snap of yours truly.

It’s Tallulah time!

As you can see I am truly adorable and a living embodiment of good ole American can do spirit. I have some friends here as well and here are some of us sat in a convenient fireplace just kicking back.

Some of my new pals and an old favourite

This is a bit of a Poultry/Beaver special so I hope that I am capturing the right spirit.

Now Cliff has allowed me this access on the basis that I am a good American who can channel the true American spirit so I have been fielding some frequently asked questions from y’all. The first question asked was why we were celebrating Thanksgiving. The answer goes way back to the days of those first pilgrims who were giving thanks for actually surviving in their new homes. I could say a lot about this but fears for my own safety as much as anything else prevents me from giving a commentary on this issue. I think that the Turkey perspective on Thanksgiving could be quite controversial so perhaps best to keep quiet as we don’t want to start trending on social media as a result. Cliff then asked me what was the connection between Thanksgiving and Black Friday. Well that much is clear. Thanksgiving represents the day when retailers actually go into the black for the year so they go out and celebrate by offering lots of deals to their customers. Now these deals may or may not be good. Indeed some research indicates that a lot of the deals are bogus to say the least so best to keep your hands in your pockets. In a slightly wider question Cliff and some others have asked what is going on with the traditional Thanksgiving parade. Well the answer is that this year we can all join in the fun as it has gone virtual. You can find more details here. If you really want a thrill you won’t miss the first float as it has a Turkey theme. What a treat for one and all. If we are lucky a massive turkey balloon will escape and go and terrorise the whole of Manhattan just to show that the Turkey is king for the day.

We exiles will be marking the occasion in our own way. We will be going round the neighbourhood trying to convince people that the Donald doesn’t accurately represent all Americans. He is a a bit of a worry you know. To round things of we thought you might like some fun facts on the big day itself. Thanksgiving was declared a national holiday by Abraham Lincoln in 1863. There a re four towns in the US named Turkey. Now those towns have a touch of real class about them I can tell you. 70% of my fellow Americans say it is not a proper Thanksgiving meal without a Turkey. Each year two Turkeys are sent to the White House and since 1989 they have been pardoned. It is good to see Turkeys get into such an important position in our national life. Thanksgiving wouldn’t be Thanksgiving in this household without me sat at the head of the table giving directions. Hold on a moment I am sensing that everything is not quite what it seems here. I think they are talking about things in culinary terms rather than in terms of having a quite frankly adorable companion when they are talking Turkey here. Well really is all I can say! Really I thought my fellow Americans knew better than this. I think that it is maybe time for me to go and consider my next move. I recently watched “The Nightmare Before Christmas” so perhaps it is time for a Turkey take over of some other holidays. A turkey can dream you know. In the meantime it is time to sign off and hand back over to the lovely Cliff.

Hello Cliff here. I hope that you enjoyed our Thanksgiving special brought to you by a real live Turkey. If you thought this was bad just wait for the Australia Day special written by Kiv the Koala in January! In the meantime I hope that those who celebrate enjoy Turkey day on Thursday and worry not normal service will be resumed shortly-whatever that is.

A bit of a flood

Hello there. Well what a week it has been.

Picture the scene. It is 3 in the morning and all is quiet. We are all snuggled down in our little ways and having some very nice dreams. I was dreaming of flapping away to a small place in the Maldives where I could sit back on a beach and sip a cocktail or two. Suddenly there was a strange noise. That man turned over in bed as it woke him up. Eventually he decided to get up and investigate as he thought it was coming from outside. Sadly this was not the case. As he came downstairs it was obvious that it was coming from inside the house as they might say in a cheap horror movie. He went into the dining room and witnessed a new feature-an internal waterfall. Yes there was water pouring through the dining room ceiling as the hot water cylinder had failed. For once in his life that man did the sensible thing and woke up Uncle Tache who instantly went into crisis management mode. Things were moved around and floors mopped and a bucket put under the leak. At 4 the emergency plumbers were called. Luckily there was no lasting damage thanks to Uncle Tache. What a hero he is. Meanwhile I got the camera out and took a picture.

Post flood ceiling

A bit of a mess I am sure you will agree. Anyway the plumber turned up and three hours later the leak was conquered. The major issue is that there is now no hot water for the next week or so Whilst I am justly famous as the Eagle of truth I have decided that it might be best to keep a low profile for a little while. Wish me luck as the atmosphere is a bit chilly around shower time I can tell you.

To try and end on a high I am sending a massive Cliffie wingwave to Aunty Helen for her amazing achievement this week. Well done you! We are very proud of you.

A strange week

Hello there. Well I said that shenanigans were on the card and it has proved to be the case. Mr Trump has continued to deny the election result although today he seems to be moving away from that standpoint. In domestic news the PM has had a bit of a clear out of some rubbish from Downing Street and we saw his Chief Adviser escorted off the premises with his belongings in a cardboard box. A strange week indeed and perhaps the start of bigger changes. Time will tell I suppose.

We are experiencing another Atlantic storm today. What a treat I can tell you. During the week Uncle Tache got out and about and tidied up the garden ready for winter. Figgis has now lost all of his leaves and that man has put all of them in a black bin bag. The honeysuckle has been cut back and things look better as a result of these labours. The bin bags are now waiting to be disposed of and we have had offers from neighbours to use their green bins so that is good.

The lockdown carries on. It is a very strange lockdown I must say as it is very much more free and easy than last time. More shops are open and more people are out and about. It is an interesting question as to what the point of it is as things seem more or less normal apart from a few shops being closed and no pubs or cafes. I mean to say if they were going to do this why not do it properly and actually make it work. I am warning anyone who says anything about doing this so we can have Christmas should watch out as they will be getting a peck from me. I am feeling a bit out of sorts Christmas wise as our first Christmas card arrived yesterday. I know the post could potentially become overwhelmed later on n the year and we should help the postie by posting early but this is ridiculous. We have reached agreement that the card will not be opened for now until we are a bit more Christmas adjacent.

I am aware that I have a number of fan bases around the world and I try my best to appeal to them. For this reason I am planning a Thanksgiving special so brace yourself for this. Not long to wait now so hopefully you can manage to hold in your excitement. I have also had a planning session with one of my more upmarket followers to discuss the Christmas photo. I think it will be a good one. I have a long tradition of Christmas photos published at dusk on Christmas Eve so there is a lot riding on my annual extravaganza. Have a browse through the archives if you fancy going down memory lane.

At the moment it is hard to predict what is going to happen next so I hope that you all have a good week and we will get back together next weekend.